Because YOU demanded it!

Well, at least one of you asked for it. I was with a friend last night who commented, "It's been a long time since you posted a blog," to which I replied: "Well, there is not a lot to say & I don't wanna spew my self-pity all over the internet."
The more I think about it, why not update everyone? It can't hurt and maybe it could help. I haven't been posting lately because I haven't thought anyone would want to know my bad news but then again, my readers are mostly (I hope) friends who love and care for me so here goes.

I am doing really badly. I have been desperately seeking employment since June with very little response. I have registered with Temp Services, a tutoring agency, advertised as a tutor on Craig's List, and even pulled together a waiter resumé and send several of them out to many local restaurants. So far I had one interview at a restaurant that I thought went well but didn't result in my getting hired.  My food stamp case got closed on June 30th because I didn't make sure that UNO sent the FS office verification that I am not working there any more. Once I found that out by calling to check my balance on the day I was supposed to get more stamps (July 14) on my LA Purchase card (naturally I was not notified of this), I began emailing my caseworker to find out what I needed to do to get my case re-opened. After several emails & voicemail messages, he finally contacted me & told me what I needed to do, I contacted UNO's HR dept to get the information (which took several days, naturally) so I could forward it to my caseworker. A few days after I did this, I was still frantically checking my FS balance via phone & still hearing that it is ZERO. Several more voicemails & emails to my caseworker later, I got an email on July 25 that stated :

 I did receive the information from UNO about your employment ending. However, when I attempted to complete your SNAP case, the check stubs provided were not efficient (seriously??) enough to justify you (I think he means "your") statements. You stated you rent is $500 a month, and that you pay utilities, but your check stubs do not show an efficient (this person is employed & I am not, are you kidding me?) amount of money to care for all of your expenses. If you have any other source of income, please provide a statement explaining where the income is coming from. If not, I need to know how you manage this expenses. You have until 7/29/2011 to submit this information before your case will be closed completely without a chance of reopening immediately, and you will have to re-apply. If you have more current check stubs that show enough income to care for expenses, you may submit those.


I contacted my caseworker and explained that when I was receiving Financial Aid, I paid my rent several months in advance (AKA thru August 1) and used my regular income to handle my monthly bills. Naturally I received no response until July 29, when he called, all apologetic, and told me that he was forwarding my case to the reinstatement dept, and that I should have more stamps on that day (Friday) or Monday at the latest. So when I still had a Zero balance on my acct Monday I called the FS help line, where (after 20 plus minutes of hold time on Daytime minutes) some lady answered the phone and when I told her my situation, she told me that it takes 30 BUSINESS days for food stamps to get re-instated. I think I burst into tears at this point and got off the phone.

2 weeks ago or so I applied for Unemployment Benefits (something I haven't done since Hurricane Katrina) and received two letters. The 1st stated that I was ineligible and the second stated that I was eligible for $109 per week. The deal with unemployment is that every Sunday you have to either phone in or log in online and file a weekly claim. Well, guess who has filed every week and still received ZERO? Right 1st time! I called these people Friday and after 28 minutes of daytime minutes on hold, some woman with a thick foreign accent (I really wonder if they are outsourcing) got on the phone and after verifying everything besides my eye color & genetic code, she placed me once again on hold for an additional several minutes, only to get back on the phone and tell me that my case will have to be reviewed because they are not sure I have worked long enough to be eligible for this grandiose sum of $109/week. As I was reviewing their info, I realized that they only have records of me working for the last 3 quarters. This is when it hit me that UNO never took federal taxes or anything out of my stipend when I was teaching and that because Tulane dragged their feet about paying me, they only have record of me working and paying into the system since last October. UGH. Miss Woman also told me that she has no possible way of knowing how long it will take the Review department (or whoever) to check my information, as there are any number of applicants ahead of me in line for review, but that I should keep filing my weekly claims in case they decide to approve me.

This is really absurd to me. This kind of thing is just a question of somebody POINTING & CLICKING. People transfer MILLIONS at the stroke of a few keys and somehow I can't get this measly $109/week? I'm fairly certain this exchange got pretty tearful as well. Then Miss Woman put me on hold for several more daytime minutes and then got back on the line and said, all chipper like "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Like she had helped in the first place. I managed to choke out "No thanks" and got off the phone before my hunger and anger vented on a call that was possible being recorded.

I don't know if this is coming out clearly or not but I don't want the food stamps. I don't want the Unemployment Benefits. What I want is a job in my field and not to be just another over-educated, unemployed, almost 40 year old living off the government. I have deliberately kept my expenses minimal: No credit cards, no car, my bills solely consist of rent, utilities, phone, internet & TV and I still can't make ends meet. My moods swing from grateful beyond reason to those who have done their damnedest to help and resentful beyond belief and those who are taking extravagant vacations while I try to work up the nerve to ask my parents for financial help. There are some days when I can't even find the motivation to get up off the couch or bathe or do much more than nibble on the last little drops of hummus in the fridge. I stopped working on my Dalida biography translation project, because I am at the point in the story where she first attempts suicide & that is too dark of a place for me to let my mind go.

I am doing my best to stay in a place of gratitude and realize that I really am blessed. People have it worse than me. Some people are suffering in this heat with no roof over their heads and no place to cool off and no friends to bolster their spirits and bring them groceries or take them out for dinner & Escrabble. I try to keep reminding myself that I am doing the right things. Sending out resumes, making contacts, but in the back of it all the ugly fact is that I am down to single digits in the bank and as far as I can tell there are no food pantries in walking distance (I have called all the places listed on the 2nd harvest website, and only 2 have responded, both to say that they are not, in fact, food pantries, but they provide snacks from 2nd Harvest to their nursery school students and/or parishioners.)

Anyway. Sorry this is not the usual, upbeat, funny blog you have all come to love & expect. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts & prayers.