My day started at 5:45AM, when both my alarms started ringing & my coffeepot finished perking. Why so early? Well, in order to arrive at the International School of Louisiana at 7:45, I have to catch the Franklin bus at 6:50, which arrives at Rampart & Canal at 7:11, then I have to grab a Canal Streetcar over to Magazine St, where I catch the 7:32 bus, which drops me off at 1400 Camp St (AKA the ISL) right on time.
Fortunately, all of this NORTA stuff worked out fine & when I got to the school, I walked straight in through one of the doors, along with what seemed like everyone else, and I told the lady at the door that it was my 1st day as an assistant to 3rd grade. She brought me up to a classroom and the day started pretty abruptly.
I spent the majority of my time assisting a male teacher named Ulyssse, although there is another teacher who will be going on maternity leave on Sept 9th, and so after that point, I will be splitting my day in half between the two 3rd grade classes, assisting Ulysse & this other woman's replacement.
I was a bit surprised that there was no orientation or anything like that. In fact I was pretty tied up helping the students (who are all very bright & speak excellent French, btw) and correcting quizzes and that sort of thing. I had my 1st skool lunch in ages. A big part of the job is classroom management AKA keeping bright 8-year-olds in line. They are good kids though, as far as I can tell. Cute and polite, so far.
Their day is rigorously organised, with trips to the library and snacks & a twirl on the playground. I think I like it. There's something nice about being "Monsieur Sam."
I'm not sure if it's forever. I'm reserving judgment about this job until I have some more time in it. It is a long day though. I get out of work at 4:00, & have to take the Magazine bus to Canal, arriving at 4:20 (oh the irony) and from there I have several options. Today I took the Elysian Fields bus & arrived home around 5:30. Tomorrow I will try taking the streetcar to get back to the Franklin bus, which drops me off only 2 blox from home, whereas the EF drops me about 7 blox away. In NOLA heat, 5 blox can make all the difference...
Thanks for reading!!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Anniversary Blog: An LRW FAQ
6 years ago, on this date, I evacuated New Orleans as Hurricane Katrina bore down upon us like the wrath of God. I didn't miss the irony of it. On this very same date in 2002, in Los Angeles, I felt the Hand of God in a pretty big way myself. For those of you who have forgotten, this is the very day that I taped my appearance on the game show, The Weakest Link. (The best part is when they don't know how it ends!!)
Here it is if you haven't seen it!
I often like to show my DVD of the episode to close friends, along with a live commentary, but until we can clear the rights, I will offer you my recollections of the Best Day of My Life. I have noticed people generally have a specific set of questions about my appearance, so here goes:
1. How did you get on the show?
I had been a big fan of the show since the hour-long prime-time version with Anne Robinson. When the show changed format to 30 mins during daytime with George Gray, I was still just as hooked. Every time they ran an ad after the show with a phone line to call in to be a contestant, I was dialing that phone like the very last kid with ADD, & usually all I heard was a busy signal. One fateful summer afternoon the line actually rang. I left a msg basically saying that I was a big fan of the show & that if they ever came to NOLA to cast they should give me a call.
At the time, my outgoing voicemail msg was:
"Hey Hey Hey
It's Sam Ray
& Who Can Say
Where I am Today?
Leave a message & I'll call back right away, OKAY??"
& will never forget it because one day I noticed an LA area code on my caller ID & got this msg:
"Wow Sam, if you are half as much fun as your voice-mail, you are just what we are looking for on The Weakest Link! We will be coming to the Marriott on Canal St in NOLA to hold try-outs, bring your friends and be ready to be there for a few hours!"
I was quivering already.
A few weeks later, I went to the hotel & there were about 100 of us in a big conference room, all seated at long tables. Packets were handed out for us to fill in, with questions about our hobbies & interests. Well, for the last several years, my hobbies had mostly been taking drugs, dressing crazy, talking crazy, going to clubs/bars/raves & somehow that just didn't seem appropriate to Weekday TV. So I told them about my obsession with Wonder Woman. How much I had loved her my whole life, and how my favorite power of hers is not the Magic Lasso (although a bondage toy that makes ppl tell the truth would surely come in handy) nor her super-strength but rather the fact that a quick spin was all she needed to have a whole new outfit, with accessories!!
Each one of our seats had a number in front of it, and we all had to introduce ourselves to the group and then we took a written, 20 question test. After a short break, the associate producers came back and read out the list of ppl who'd passed the written test & were moving on to a taped mock game for the producers to review.
After we finished with that, they sent us on our way, and by the following week, I had a voicemail that said:
"Pack your bags, Sam, you're coming to Hollywood! NBC has booked you on a round-trip flight to L.A. plus 2 nights at the Hilton Universal. The only money you need to bring is enough for meals and entertainment."
& That's how I got on the show.
2. How did you get around in LA?
NBC sent a limo-bus to pick me up from the airport. I had to find a driver with a sign with my name on it like you see in the movies. The next day, a limo picked myself and all of the other potential contestants from my show as well as potential contestants for a fireman-themed show, at about 7AM.
3. How long were you with the other contestants before you started taping?
We arrived at NBC studios around 7:15, where those of us from the hotel met up with 2 other potential contestants. We spent most of the day, waiting for the producers to arrive so we could meet with them in person. We knew that they were only going to use 6 contestants, so 2 people wouldn't make it through to the taping. We passed the time, chatting and eating pastries and drinking sodas, always supervised by Contestant Coordinators. Right until I went in to see the producers, I had those Wonder Woman bracelets in my pocket. I wasn't sure whether to wear them or not. I had consulted with this guy Victor that I knew about it, and he said "Grrl if you wear those things, you will be voted off in the 1st round."
His words echoed in my ears when I heard it was time to go in to see the producers. I said to myself, "No Guts, No Glory" & snapped those babies around my wrists. It's Showtime, Synergy. (OK that's Jem, not WW but it works for me)
We began taping around 3PM & it lasted about 1.5 hours.
3.I noticed you got rid of Hap in the 1st round, although he was the strongest player, Why?
Bottom line: He wasn't really nice during the pre-show. He was smug (if not mean-spirited) about the fact that he had previously been on Jeopardy, where he was runner-up, and he clearly felt that The Weakest Link was a big step down from Alex Trebek's stage. One of the lights actually went out during his "walk of shame" so he had to do it TWICE! I was thinking "Suffer, bitch!!!"
4. How could you miss the question about Cartman? You watched South Park for years, you went to see the movie, hell you even owned the movie?
I have no idea.
5. After Dr Ingrid changed her vote to keep you on the show, you voted her off, you are SCANDALOUS! What gives?
Well, I was originally going to vote off Marcy, but it was like a blessed wind from Paradise Island blew through that studio & ruffled that little curl on my forehead and I almost heard a voice that said "Look Over." So I glance over to my right, and I saw Dr Ingrid writing an "S" curve and I said to myself: "Bye Bye Dr Ingrid, I am gonna take my chances with the Hooters Waitress." If you pause the video when I announce my vote, you can see that I began to write an M, but scratched it out.
A word about Dr Ingrid: She was one of the most kind people I've ever met. After the taping, she said to me: "Sam, I just got out of Med Skool, I have a quarter million dollars in Financial Aid debt, 30K is a drop in my bucket. But it's a life-changing amount of money for you, and I'm honestly glad you have it." Then she even took me out for dinner & drinks & palmed me a few bucks for cover charges and cocktails.
6. What was the host really like?
I don't know, but he was relentlessly Letting Me Have It about the bracelets. Most of it got edited out but that's the biz I guess.
7. Did you ever get a car like you said in your closing remarks?
No. Actually they asked a few different questions and did 3 takes at that point and I ended all of them the same way, with the Amazon salute & the phrase "Justice HAS prevailed!!" but the first couple times I think I hit my mike, so that was the only usable take. That is my only regret about the whole thing, that I messed up the previous takes & they had to use that one.
8. What happened right after?
Well, I had to pee like CRAZY & I was sent out of the door by the booth where we gave the comments to NBC's public lobby restroom, i.e. the same restroom all these audience were using on their way out of the building. It was the Weirdest thing. People parted for me. Strangers calling out my name. "Way to go, Sam!!" "You're awesome!!" "Love the Bracelets!!" "Make way for the champ!" The line of men in the restroom let me go ahead of them. Afterwards, I went back upstairs, filled out some tax paperwork & gave Marcy the Wonder Woman lapel pin I was wearing in my collar as our limo bus dropped her off in the parking lot & the rest of us contestants headed back to the hotel.
9.How much tax did you have to pay on it?
When I finally got the check, 6 months later, as stipulated by the contract, California had withheld about $1500 in State Tax (most of which I got back later) & I pre-paid 20% of it off the top to the IRS.
10.What did you do with it all?
I cleared up some outstanding debts to Entergy & Cox Cable (the final legacy of my snaggle puss tranny roommate, Summer Teef), and paid my rent for a year. Since I had already started at school, I repaid my boyfriend for the tuition he'd paid & the books he'd bought & then paid for a few more semesters of school and books.
11. How did it feel?
It felt better than any drug I could imagine. It felt like sunshine in my belly. It felt like I was finally getting what I had always wanted, ever since the 1st time I saw The Price is Right or Tic Tac Dough or any number of other game shows. It felt like someone was telling me "Yes you can, Sam. You can wear the bracelets, you can be yourself, and you WILL be rewarded for it."
3 years later, 6 years ago, I left NOLA, sure that I would be back in just a few days. I stayed away a lot longer than that, but that, Gentle Readers, is a story for another time.
9 years later, I am at another crossroads: I begin a job tomorrow as a 3rd grade teacher's assistant at the International School of New Orleans on Camp Street. I also recently interviewed for a position as a Spanish Language Interpreter for the DA's office. I am waiting to hear back from them to discover if I will get a second interview. I may not wear the bracelets but dammit in some ways, I never took them off....
Praise Bless!
Here it is if you haven't seen it!
I often like to show my DVD of the episode to close friends, along with a live commentary, but until we can clear the rights, I will offer you my recollections of the Best Day of My Life. I have noticed people generally have a specific set of questions about my appearance, so here goes:
1. How did you get on the show?
I had been a big fan of the show since the hour-long prime-time version with Anne Robinson. When the show changed format to 30 mins during daytime with George Gray, I was still just as hooked. Every time they ran an ad after the show with a phone line to call in to be a contestant, I was dialing that phone like the very last kid with ADD, & usually all I heard was a busy signal. One fateful summer afternoon the line actually rang. I left a msg basically saying that I was a big fan of the show & that if they ever came to NOLA to cast they should give me a call.
At the time, my outgoing voicemail msg was:
"Hey Hey Hey
It's Sam Ray
& Who Can Say
Where I am Today?
Leave a message & I'll call back right away, OKAY??"
& will never forget it because one day I noticed an LA area code on my caller ID & got this msg:
"Wow Sam, if you are half as much fun as your voice-mail, you are just what we are looking for on The Weakest Link! We will be coming to the Marriott on Canal St in NOLA to hold try-outs, bring your friends and be ready to be there for a few hours!"
I was quivering already.
A few weeks later, I went to the hotel & there were about 100 of us in a big conference room, all seated at long tables. Packets were handed out for us to fill in, with questions about our hobbies & interests. Well, for the last several years, my hobbies had mostly been taking drugs, dressing crazy, talking crazy, going to clubs/bars/raves & somehow that just didn't seem appropriate to Weekday TV. So I told them about my obsession with Wonder Woman. How much I had loved her my whole life, and how my favorite power of hers is not the Magic Lasso (although a bondage toy that makes ppl tell the truth would surely come in handy) nor her super-strength but rather the fact that a quick spin was all she needed to have a whole new outfit, with accessories!!
Each one of our seats had a number in front of it, and we all had to introduce ourselves to the group and then we took a written, 20 question test. After a short break, the associate producers came back and read out the list of ppl who'd passed the written test & were moving on to a taped mock game for the producers to review.
After we finished with that, they sent us on our way, and by the following week, I had a voicemail that said:
"Pack your bags, Sam, you're coming to Hollywood! NBC has booked you on a round-trip flight to L.A. plus 2 nights at the Hilton Universal. The only money you need to bring is enough for meals and entertainment."
& That's how I got on the show.
2. How did you get around in LA?
NBC sent a limo-bus to pick me up from the airport. I had to find a driver with a sign with my name on it like you see in the movies. The next day, a limo picked myself and all of the other potential contestants from my show as well as potential contestants for a fireman-themed show, at about 7AM.
3. How long were you with the other contestants before you started taping?
We arrived at NBC studios around 7:15, where those of us from the hotel met up with 2 other potential contestants. We spent most of the day, waiting for the producers to arrive so we could meet with them in person. We knew that they were only going to use 6 contestants, so 2 people wouldn't make it through to the taping. We passed the time, chatting and eating pastries and drinking sodas, always supervised by Contestant Coordinators. Right until I went in to see the producers, I had those Wonder Woman bracelets in my pocket. I wasn't sure whether to wear them or not. I had consulted with this guy Victor that I knew about it, and he said "Grrl if you wear those things, you will be voted off in the 1st round."
His words echoed in my ears when I heard it was time to go in to see the producers. I said to myself, "No Guts, No Glory" & snapped those babies around my wrists. It's Showtime, Synergy. (OK that's Jem, not WW but it works for me)
We began taping around 3PM & it lasted about 1.5 hours.
3.I noticed you got rid of Hap in the 1st round, although he was the strongest player, Why?
Bottom line: He wasn't really nice during the pre-show. He was smug (if not mean-spirited) about the fact that he had previously been on Jeopardy, where he was runner-up, and he clearly felt that The Weakest Link was a big step down from Alex Trebek's stage. One of the lights actually went out during his "walk of shame" so he had to do it TWICE! I was thinking "Suffer, bitch!!!"
4. How could you miss the question about Cartman? You watched South Park for years, you went to see the movie, hell you even owned the movie?
I have no idea.
5. After Dr Ingrid changed her vote to keep you on the show, you voted her off, you are SCANDALOUS! What gives?
Well, I was originally going to vote off Marcy, but it was like a blessed wind from Paradise Island blew through that studio & ruffled that little curl on my forehead and I almost heard a voice that said "Look Over." So I glance over to my right, and I saw Dr Ingrid writing an "S" curve and I said to myself: "Bye Bye Dr Ingrid, I am gonna take my chances with the Hooters Waitress." If you pause the video when I announce my vote, you can see that I began to write an M, but scratched it out.
A word about Dr Ingrid: She was one of the most kind people I've ever met. After the taping, she said to me: "Sam, I just got out of Med Skool, I have a quarter million dollars in Financial Aid debt, 30K is a drop in my bucket. But it's a life-changing amount of money for you, and I'm honestly glad you have it." Then she even took me out for dinner & drinks & palmed me a few bucks for cover charges and cocktails.
6. What was the host really like?
I don't know, but he was relentlessly Letting Me Have It about the bracelets. Most of it got edited out but that's the biz I guess.
7. Did you ever get a car like you said in your closing remarks?
No. Actually they asked a few different questions and did 3 takes at that point and I ended all of them the same way, with the Amazon salute & the phrase "Justice HAS prevailed!!" but the first couple times I think I hit my mike, so that was the only usable take. That is my only regret about the whole thing, that I messed up the previous takes & they had to use that one.
8. What happened right after?
Well, I had to pee like CRAZY & I was sent out of the door by the booth where we gave the comments to NBC's public lobby restroom, i.e. the same restroom all these audience were using on their way out of the building. It was the Weirdest thing. People parted for me. Strangers calling out my name. "Way to go, Sam!!" "You're awesome!!" "Love the Bracelets!!" "Make way for the champ!" The line of men in the restroom let me go ahead of them. Afterwards, I went back upstairs, filled out some tax paperwork & gave Marcy the Wonder Woman lapel pin I was wearing in my collar as our limo bus dropped her off in the parking lot & the rest of us contestants headed back to the hotel.
9.How much tax did you have to pay on it?
When I finally got the check, 6 months later, as stipulated by the contract, California had withheld about $1500 in State Tax (most of which I got back later) & I pre-paid 20% of it off the top to the IRS.
10.What did you do with it all?
I cleared up some outstanding debts to Entergy & Cox Cable (the final legacy of my snaggle puss tranny roommate, Summer Teef), and paid my rent for a year. Since I had already started at school, I repaid my boyfriend for the tuition he'd paid & the books he'd bought & then paid for a few more semesters of school and books.
11. How did it feel?
It felt better than any drug I could imagine. It felt like sunshine in my belly. It felt like I was finally getting what I had always wanted, ever since the 1st time I saw The Price is Right or Tic Tac Dough or any number of other game shows. It felt like someone was telling me "Yes you can, Sam. You can wear the bracelets, you can be yourself, and you WILL be rewarded for it."
3 years later, 6 years ago, I left NOLA, sure that I would be back in just a few days. I stayed away a lot longer than that, but that, Gentle Readers, is a story for another time.
9 years later, I am at another crossroads: I begin a job tomorrow as a 3rd grade teacher's assistant at the International School of New Orleans on Camp Street. I also recently interviewed for a position as a Spanish Language Interpreter for the DA's office. I am waiting to hear back from them to discover if I will get a second interview. I may not wear the bracelets but dammit in some ways, I never took them off....
Praise Bless!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Back to Bimbo TV....
This is the first time since 2002 that I haven't been heading back to skool. It's kinda surreal. My friends are having Financial Aide Crises, Parking Decal Drama & Snarky Student Worker Re-runs. Like most of us born under the sign of Gemini, I am of two minds about this. While on the one hand I don't envy them the stress and its myriad of physical & emotional side FX but by the same token I miss having a place to go every day, people to see, projects to accomplish. Not just a bunch of hours punctuated by pilates twice a week but otherwise spent electronically numbing my overeducated brain with the most banal bunch of queens you can ever hope for:
YES I mean The A-List: New York!!! Not to mention RuPaul's Drag U, Hell's Kitchen & (BEST OF ALL) the new season of Hair Battle Spectacular!
And that's just Monday.
I guess if you like TV this is not a bad time to be unemployed, there are lots of great shows happening right now. Besides my only soap, Bold & the Beautician, I really am spoiled for choice, thanks to my DirecTV DVR. Tuesdays I think used to be Hawthorne, Wednesday is Damages & Rake exclusively on AUD network on DirecTV. I'm not sure about Thursday offhand but Friday is Torchwood & (OMG) the 2nd half of Dr Who's 2011 season starts this Saturday!
In other LRW news, I have a job interview tomorrow at the International School of Louisiana tomorrow at 9:30AM. Gettin up early enough for this is gonna be a task, I'd better let Drag U stay on my DVR tomorrow as an after-pilates treat. I go back to work at Tulane Med Skool on Thursday. It is not super trills but at least it is enough to keep my screens (TV, Phone, Computer) running!
YES I mean The A-List: New York!!! Not to mention RuPaul's Drag U, Hell's Kitchen & (BEST OF ALL) the new season of Hair Battle Spectacular!
And that's just Monday.
I guess if you like TV this is not a bad time to be unemployed, there are lots of great shows happening right now. Besides my only soap, Bold & the Beautician, I really am spoiled for choice, thanks to my DirecTV DVR. Tuesdays I think used to be Hawthorne, Wednesday is Damages & Rake exclusively on AUD network on DirecTV. I'm not sure about Thursday offhand but Friday is Torchwood & (OMG) the 2nd half of Dr Who's 2011 season starts this Saturday!
In other LRW news, I have a job interview tomorrow at the International School of Louisiana tomorrow at 9:30AM. Gettin up early enough for this is gonna be a task, I'd better let Drag U stay on my DVR tomorrow as an after-pilates treat. I go back to work at Tulane Med Skool on Thursday. It is not super trills but at least it is enough to keep my screens (TV, Phone, Computer) running!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Trifling Tuesday....
This past Tuesday, as you may recall from my Facebook update, I had an interview for a Spanish teaching position at Cameron College here in New Orleans, which is located on Canal Street in Mid-City, near Broad St, directly across from the McDonald's. I also saw an ad on NOLA.com seeking a Spanish language translator for the DA's office, which is about 7 blocks from Cameron College. A friend came by & I got him to bring me over to the DA's office & then drop me off at Cameron College a few minutes before my 4PM appointment.
I had Googled Cameron College prior to showing up & I had seen the building many times before, so I knew it wasn't going to be like Harvard. From what I recall from their website, it is a community college that specializes in Associate degrees in subjects like Medical Billing. I didn't even know they taught Spanish at this sort of school. But I digress. As far as I could tell, the campus is this one 3-story brick building on Canal St. When you enter on the ground floor, there is a lobby with a lunchroom on the right and an elevator on the left. I had to go up to the 2nd floor, which I guess is where administration is. Immediately when I walked in I noticed that the secretary had a flat-screen monitor displaying 14 security cam views of the "campus." Always reassuring.
I had previously emailed them a resumé in response to a Craig's list ad, but I had brought a hard copy with me, and when I told the secretary why I was there and who I was there to see, she asked me to have a seat and fill out an application that had been Xeroxed so many times that some of the boxes were blurred out. This annoys the hell out of me. Like, I wrote a resumé, don't make me fill out some generic application that asks for my elementary school. But so I did it, and I was made to wait around for nearly an hour until Mrs Cameron called me into her office for an interview. She seemed a charming older lady, but she had clearly only scanned my resumé. The big question I remember her asking is "Why do people get a Master of Arts degree? Does that mean you are an artist?" After I explained this conundrum to her, she said "oh, look! you've taught me something!" Very pleasant.
Afterwards, she had me go to the Dean's office, where I was interviewed by a White man and a Nepalese woman, who asked questions like "How do you approach a class of people who don't want to take Spanish? Or who want to know WHY you have to take it?" Grrl. That has been practically every class I have taught.
They also explained to me how things work. Their programs last 6 to 12 weeks, and Spanish is taught in the morning for 1 hour for the 12-wk class & 2 hours for the 6 wk class with a pay rate of $18/hr. I took this in and kept interviewing. I think the rest of it went well, but as I was thinking about it on the bus it is just not enough damn money. $90-180 per week before taxes for a bitch with 2 Bachelor's Degrees and a Master's degree.
The big plus for this adventure was hearing the bounce remix of Adele's "Rolling in the deep" BOOMING out of someone's car while I was waiting for the Broad bus at the corner of Canal & Broad. It was a struggle not to booty wap at the intersection, but given that I was dressed in a button up shirt & khaki trousers (and it was like 100+ heat index), I thought it was best to save the shaking for later.
Anyway so I got home, changed into my Pilates wear & got on the Elysian Fields bus to head over to my pilates class on St Claude. I got off the bus at St Claude & Elysian Fields, and went into the Walgreens at the corner for an Arizona Blueberry White Iced Tea and a little pack of peanuts. So I was standing around on the sidewalk on St Claude, eating my peanuts & drinking my tea while listening to something ignorant like MIA on my earbuds, wearing some plastic glam sunglasses & not my regular spectacles when I heard a car horn blow. I looked up & saw this black man in a white car, kinda waving. As you know, I am quite nearsighted & naturally I didn't recognize this man, but I waved (it's only polite) and finished off my tea & peanuts & went to cross Elysian Fields when I noticed this man in the car had turned left onto EF & was coming kinda in my direction.
Naturally I got like 3 txt messages as I crossed the street & I stopped at the far side of the corner to answer them (by this time I have my glasses on) and the light changes & this man blows his horn again & pulls over into the parking lot of this abandoned building I am standing in front of, waving me over. I am still kind of thinking maybe I know this man from UNO or something but as I approach his car, I realize that I don't know him. So I walk up and I'm like "Do you need something? Have we met?"
This man looks me dead in my face & he's like "I wanna hook up wit u, why don't you get in the car & I'll give you a ride to wherever it is you are goin & I can get your number."
"Man, I am not getting in that car. What is it you think we would be doing anyway"
"Turn around"
"Oh no baby. It is not that kinda party"
"Wait. Have you ever gotten a bj?"
"Huh?"
"C'mon, show me how big it is, just pull down them sweat pants & lemme see it"
"You are insane. I am trying to go the exercise place, not get arrested for prostitution"
"Where you stay?"
"Gentilly"
"I'm in Slidell these days. I been out inna Quarters, drinking. I was at Rawhide just now, but it's too early"
(PS The sun is still out!! Of course it is too early for the Rawhide)
Then this man says "C'mon, let me give you a ride, Imma run outta gas in this parking lot like this."
"I'm not getting in that car with you, man"
"That's what's up" and then he finally drove away.
I normally do not smoke cigarettes for at least half an hour prior to pilates but this was a special occasion. As I was walking to class I just kept thinking, "Really?!?"
I don't think I'd be so insulted if this man wasn't so absurd looking, and honestly if he had been fine enough, pilates might have been cancelled. But this dude looked like a black Jabba the Hut. I am not saying I don't have love for a big boy sometimes but this man was just ridiculous. I am kinda insulted about the whole thing. I am so far out of this man's league on the simple fact of looks (never mind education & class) that I am still baffled as to how he really thought this whole situation was gonna go. Ugh.
Well, at least I had a funny story to tell my pilates teacher.
& you!! Thanks for reading....
I had Googled Cameron College prior to showing up & I had seen the building many times before, so I knew it wasn't going to be like Harvard. From what I recall from their website, it is a community college that specializes in Associate degrees in subjects like Medical Billing. I didn't even know they taught Spanish at this sort of school. But I digress. As far as I could tell, the campus is this one 3-story brick building on Canal St. When you enter on the ground floor, there is a lobby with a lunchroom on the right and an elevator on the left. I had to go up to the 2nd floor, which I guess is where administration is. Immediately when I walked in I noticed that the secretary had a flat-screen monitor displaying 14 security cam views of the "campus." Always reassuring.
I had previously emailed them a resumé in response to a Craig's list ad, but I had brought a hard copy with me, and when I told the secretary why I was there and who I was there to see, she asked me to have a seat and fill out an application that had been Xeroxed so many times that some of the boxes were blurred out. This annoys the hell out of me. Like, I wrote a resumé, don't make me fill out some generic application that asks for my elementary school. But so I did it, and I was made to wait around for nearly an hour until Mrs Cameron called me into her office for an interview. She seemed a charming older lady, but she had clearly only scanned my resumé. The big question I remember her asking is "Why do people get a Master of Arts degree? Does that mean you are an artist?" After I explained this conundrum to her, she said "oh, look! you've taught me something!" Very pleasant.
Afterwards, she had me go to the Dean's office, where I was interviewed by a White man and a Nepalese woman, who asked questions like "How do you approach a class of people who don't want to take Spanish? Or who want to know WHY you have to take it?" Grrl. That has been practically every class I have taught.
They also explained to me how things work. Their programs last 6 to 12 weeks, and Spanish is taught in the morning for 1 hour for the 12-wk class & 2 hours for the 6 wk class with a pay rate of $18/hr. I took this in and kept interviewing. I think the rest of it went well, but as I was thinking about it on the bus it is just not enough damn money. $90-180 per week before taxes for a bitch with 2 Bachelor's Degrees and a Master's degree.
The big plus for this adventure was hearing the bounce remix of Adele's "Rolling in the deep" BOOMING out of someone's car while I was waiting for the Broad bus at the corner of Canal & Broad. It was a struggle not to booty wap at the intersection, but given that I was dressed in a button up shirt & khaki trousers (and it was like 100+ heat index), I thought it was best to save the shaking for later.
Anyway so I got home, changed into my Pilates wear & got on the Elysian Fields bus to head over to my pilates class on St Claude. I got off the bus at St Claude & Elysian Fields, and went into the Walgreens at the corner for an Arizona Blueberry White Iced Tea and a little pack of peanuts. So I was standing around on the sidewalk on St Claude, eating my peanuts & drinking my tea while listening to something ignorant like MIA on my earbuds, wearing some plastic glam sunglasses & not my regular spectacles when I heard a car horn blow. I looked up & saw this black man in a white car, kinda waving. As you know, I am quite nearsighted & naturally I didn't recognize this man, but I waved (it's only polite) and finished off my tea & peanuts & went to cross Elysian Fields when I noticed this man in the car had turned left onto EF & was coming kinda in my direction.
Naturally I got like 3 txt messages as I crossed the street & I stopped at the far side of the corner to answer them (by this time I have my glasses on) and the light changes & this man blows his horn again & pulls over into the parking lot of this abandoned building I am standing in front of, waving me over. I am still kind of thinking maybe I know this man from UNO or something but as I approach his car, I realize that I don't know him. So I walk up and I'm like "Do you need something? Have we met?"
This man looks me dead in my face & he's like "I wanna hook up wit u, why don't you get in the car & I'll give you a ride to wherever it is you are goin & I can get your number."
"Man, I am not getting in that car. What is it you think we would be doing anyway"
"Turn around"
"Oh no baby. It is not that kinda party"
"Wait. Have you ever gotten a bj?"
"Huh?"
"C'mon, show me how big it is, just pull down them sweat pants & lemme see it"
"You are insane. I am trying to go the exercise place, not get arrested for prostitution"
"Where you stay?"
"Gentilly"
"I'm in Slidell these days. I been out inna Quarters, drinking. I was at Rawhide just now, but it's too early"
(PS The sun is still out!! Of course it is too early for the Rawhide)
Then this man says "C'mon, let me give you a ride, Imma run outta gas in this parking lot like this."
"I'm not getting in that car with you, man"
"That's what's up" and then he finally drove away.
I normally do not smoke cigarettes for at least half an hour prior to pilates but this was a special occasion. As I was walking to class I just kept thinking, "Really?!?"
I don't think I'd be so insulted if this man wasn't so absurd looking, and honestly if he had been fine enough, pilates might have been cancelled. But this dude looked like a black Jabba the Hut. I am not saying I don't have love for a big boy sometimes but this man was just ridiculous. I am kinda insulted about the whole thing. I am so far out of this man's league on the simple fact of looks (never mind education & class) that I am still baffled as to how he really thought this whole situation was gonna go. Ugh.
Well, at least I had a funny story to tell my pilates teacher.
& you!! Thanks for reading....
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
LRW explained for You
I am sure plenty of you have noticed my use of this "LRW" acronym and it occurs to me that you may not know the genesis of the phrase. It goes all the way back to 2001, in the aftermath of 9/11. You may recall that in those early months, there were a lot of American-Flag inspired decorations all over the place. There was a park near my home & there were red white & blue bow ribbons on the trees. You may also recall my being an avid Wonder Woman Fan & at the time, I was going to a lot of raves & I had a Club-Kid aesthetic about how I dressed at these kinds of events. So I saw these bow ribbons up on these trees & I devised this rather elaborate plan of sneaking into the park late at night & snatching one of these bow ribbons so I could attach it to my Wonder Woman Visor or otherwise incorporate it into some Patriotic Party Wear. I was on the phone with a friend & when I told him of my plan, his response was: "Grrl you are not normal. What do you mean, Patriotic Party Wear?? Talking to you is like talking to a Large, Retarded Woman!!"
Stunned Silence until I respond "Why I gotta be Large? Why you gotta say it like that??"
Hysterical laughter ensued and the name stuck. With time I have come to realize that all 3 of these words apply not just to me but also to many of my nearest and dearest, regardless of size, IQ or gender identity. Like it is possible to be 5'2 & 100 lbs & still be Large as in Larger than Life, or get Fulbright Scholarships & still have a bunch of children by several abusive men or be biologically all man & still love ABBA.
Ultimately LRWs are the ones who get stuff done cuz other hoes just don't have the creativity within them to change things. Sometimes we are the ones who get all emotional in the grocery store while singing along to Rihanna in our earbuds...
Praise Bless & I welcome any and all examples of LRW in yourselves or daily lives!
Stunned Silence until I respond "Why I gotta be Large? Why you gotta say it like that??"
Hysterical laughter ensued and the name stuck. With time I have come to realize that all 3 of these words apply not just to me but also to many of my nearest and dearest, regardless of size, IQ or gender identity. Like it is possible to be 5'2 & 100 lbs & still be Large as in Larger than Life, or get Fulbright Scholarships & still have a bunch of children by several abusive men or be biologically all man & still love ABBA.
Ultimately LRWs are the ones who get stuff done cuz other hoes just don't have the creativity within them to change things. Sometimes we are the ones who get all emotional in the grocery store while singing along to Rihanna in our earbuds...
Praise Bless & I welcome any and all examples of LRW in yourselves or daily lives!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Saying Goodbye...
....or, Crazy Hoes I have known, the saga continues.
During this period of flux that I am currently inhabiting, there have been a few voices from my past that I have entertained. You will all surely remember my previous blog about Lil J, the cute guy with the drinking problem, (whose number is now saved in my cellulary phone as DO NOT ANSWER) so let me hit you with a story about someone else whose number has joined that list, a biracial gal I'll call Mo Gumbo.
I first met Mo Gumbo on Grand Route St. John, during the early part of 2001, a period when I was spending a lot of time with my neighbor, the Lady Ella, a beautiful Creole lady who worked at Cafe du Monde in the French Quarter. I was dropping by Ella's patio on my way home after a trip to Terranova's grocery store, and had a loaf of Bunny Bread hanging out of my grocery bag. Ella introduced me to Mo Gumbo, a heavy-set bright skinned lady with long dreadlocks & abnormally huge breasts whose instant reaction was to say something along the lines of "It's nice to meet you, you seem too smart to be eating bad bread like that."
"Grrl I don't know who you think you are to be critiquing a hoe's bread, but until you are paying for it, I would suggest you step off!"
We had a good laugh about this, I suppose, and we became friends. I remember the next time I saw her, she showed up to where I was living with my ginger tranny roommate, Summer Teef, all upset. Her boyfriend was breaking up with her & she just really needed to smoke some weed. She was so upset that he just KNEW how bad she needed to smoke, and he was smoking all up in her face. I was still not understanding why she was showing up to my house when I didn't have any weed, but eventually she told Tranzilla & me that she wanted us to come over and help her pack her ex's stuff. Please remember this is at a time when I didn't have cable, and this little drama had a lot of appeal.
We went over to her place, and helped her put some stuff in bags, and she kept asking if we wanted stuff of his, like shoes or fishing tackle or I don't even know what. I know neither of us wanted any of this foolish man's stuff. Or maybe he wasn't such a fool, as he wasn't dealing with her mania. Anyway, so at one point, she's so irate about the way the break up went that this crazy lady takes this man's tackle box, hikes up her hippy chick skirt & pees in it!!
I have to admit, this was HILARIOUS. Wacky, yes, but the intrinsic comedy of it all was pretty undeniable.
As time went on, we got closer, I think. There was even a point when she told Tranzilla & I that we were like her brothers--or sisters, she just couldn't decide. Later on I was to discover that she has a tendency to call the people in her life she's not having sex with by some familial name--brother, father, sister--until she does end up having some kind of sexual contact with them. But I'll get back to that later. There was something I liked about her. Not just that she was well-educated & very well spoken (she had grown up in Washington State, and so her accent alone made her exotic) but she was also quite good at actualizing. Like she just set goals and achieved them, unlike myself (and most of my coterie of friends) who was really good at thinking up cool ideas but not knowing how to go about making them happen. She was a survivor--she had been thru a bout with cancer and had lost her mother to the Big C & her father to AIDS. She had bonded closely with my neighbor Ella, who had lost one of her breasts because of Cancer. Despite all of this, she had a book deal. She had diplomas from universities. She attained jobs with ease.
But in her personal life---WHOA. Big troubles. Insecurity and narcissism led to bad decisions with men. She was the kind of gal to pick up dudes in bars & then wonder why they didn't call back. Yes. One of those kinds of gals. So she was seeing this white guy & turned up pregnant & the guy's family flipped out in some racist rage. Of course, when the baby came out blond & blue-eyed, the family was ok with the baby but she couldn't let go of her rage against them. But anyway she was an on-the-road kinda gal. She bounced from New Orleans to Washington State & back a few times and eventually lands up in Houston, dating a "great guy--and he's black!!" however, this relationship didn't work out because Mr Black Man was in the armed forces and had a pretty severe case of PTSD that manifested in alcoholism due to several tours of duty in Iraq & Afghanistan. oh & he was married with four kids anyway. Did I mention that she had a son by this man?
During this time, she was steadily losing weight; she got her breasts reduced & became a marathon runner. Our friendship is carried out mostly over the internet or phone:
"I'm not sure if I should keep this baby or have it adopted"
"I'm going to have it adopted"
"I changed my mind."
These little postcards from the edge are continuously entertaining. But I also have to remember that these calls for advice were also usually punctuated with offers to fly me to Seattle or Houston or wherever she was at that week to see her that never came to pass. There were promises of birthday presents, graduation presents, that were also not kept. There was some gift exchange though, over the years--I remember a hello kitty compact and some cookies from her & I sent some scarves, hats & headbands. I liked this girl. I thought she did crazy things but I really liked her & looked forward to hearing from her, even though the calls were often troubling, I did my best to always tell her the objective truth about things, and she always said that's what she valued most about our friendship.
So what, you may be asking, could have made me decide to be done with this woman?
Last summer, with the white man keeping her daughter, and the black man out of the picture (re-deployed maybe? I know there was some drama with his wife but it's all behind her now), she decides that she's going to spend the summer taking a road trip with her son, taking photographs & blogging throughout about the people she meets. I read the blog avidly, seeing photographs of poor people everywhere she goes. Like, did you intentionally seek out shelters? But anyway the blog stalls out in Missoula, Montana.
I get a phone call : "Do you think I should take over running this bar for a woman with cancer?"
"No grrl. One more or less bar in Missoula is not as important as following through with your plan."
"But I met a guy here & I really like him too!"
Here we go again. The guy is named Sam (how Freudian!!) but he is about to go study in Guatemala. She snags some job in record-keeping for the local city hall and enrolls in school there and gets her kids into the local day care. Sam takes off on her but there's a handy man who comes in really handy when she has a health scare and has to have a procedure that requires 4 or 5 days of recovery time. Without ever dating, she starts playing house with the handy man, who is in the middle of losing his job for a dirty drug test, but his cover story is that he just wants a break from the rat race. But she lets this man (and his teenage daughter) stay with her until one night once too often, he has some freak out & breaks her car windshield, again. He threw her on the bed & called her the N-word in front of her son. So she has had it with him.
But guess who is pregnant again??? And guess who gets a call?:
"Sam I need your help"
"Ok, what can I do from New Orleans?"
"Well, I need you to call this guy up, since I can't contact him without my lawyer because of the restraining order, and tell him I'm going to have an abortion, and I will leave his stuff at the lawyer's office."
"WHAT?"
"I need closure."
"But didn't you say earlier that you have an appointment to meet with the lawyer tomorrow at 4PM?"
"Well, yeah, but I can't wait that long"
"Why don't you just GO to the lawyer's office at 3 & drop his stuff off & tell your lawyer to tell him all of this madness??"
"Because I need this now!"
"Grrl. Look. You have been dealing with this man since, what, August? I think you can wait another 14 hours for closu---"
CLICK.
Yes. This chick hung up on me mid-sentence.
I reflected for a minute. Should I call back? Was the drama worth it? I think if any other ho hung up in my face like that, I'd be blowing their phone up in a hot second. But this? Not worth it. I just didn't feel like it any more.
Yesterday I got a text from an unsaved number that simply said: "This is my new number. Mo Gumbo"
I was flabbergasted, to tell the truth. After consulting with my baby Sis, Diana about how to proceed, I sent this text:
"Until you are ready to apologize to me for not taking part in your latest exercise in co-dependence, I don't think we need to be communicating"
I shared this with my so-called wife & she was like, "Well bitch, maybe it is time to say goodbye to this ho & goodbye to being the person you were when you knew her"
& I've never heard a truer word spoken.
So that's why Mo Gumbo's number is now also saved as "Do Not Answer"
It's not just goodbye Mo Gumbo. It's goodbye to taking on problems that are not mine. Goodbye to unnecessary drama and foolishness. Goodbye perpetuating a pattern of behavior that may have once worked but is by now just flat out tired, not to mention exhausting.
I feel like cleansing myself of this stuff is a good way to make room for the blessings that are to come.
Praise be.
During this period of flux that I am currently inhabiting, there have been a few voices from my past that I have entertained. You will all surely remember my previous blog about Lil J, the cute guy with the drinking problem, (whose number is now saved in my cellulary phone as DO NOT ANSWER) so let me hit you with a story about someone else whose number has joined that list, a biracial gal I'll call Mo Gumbo.
I first met Mo Gumbo on Grand Route St. John, during the early part of 2001, a period when I was spending a lot of time with my neighbor, the Lady Ella, a beautiful Creole lady who worked at Cafe du Monde in the French Quarter. I was dropping by Ella's patio on my way home after a trip to Terranova's grocery store, and had a loaf of Bunny Bread hanging out of my grocery bag. Ella introduced me to Mo Gumbo, a heavy-set bright skinned lady with long dreadlocks & abnormally huge breasts whose instant reaction was to say something along the lines of "It's nice to meet you, you seem too smart to be eating bad bread like that."
"Grrl I don't know who you think you are to be critiquing a hoe's bread, but until you are paying for it, I would suggest you step off!"
We had a good laugh about this, I suppose, and we became friends. I remember the next time I saw her, she showed up to where I was living with my ginger tranny roommate, Summer Teef, all upset. Her boyfriend was breaking up with her & she just really needed to smoke some weed. She was so upset that he just KNEW how bad she needed to smoke, and he was smoking all up in her face. I was still not understanding why she was showing up to my house when I didn't have any weed, but eventually she told Tranzilla & me that she wanted us to come over and help her pack her ex's stuff. Please remember this is at a time when I didn't have cable, and this little drama had a lot of appeal.
We went over to her place, and helped her put some stuff in bags, and she kept asking if we wanted stuff of his, like shoes or fishing tackle or I don't even know what. I know neither of us wanted any of this foolish man's stuff. Or maybe he wasn't such a fool, as he wasn't dealing with her mania. Anyway, so at one point, she's so irate about the way the break up went that this crazy lady takes this man's tackle box, hikes up her hippy chick skirt & pees in it!!
I have to admit, this was HILARIOUS. Wacky, yes, but the intrinsic comedy of it all was pretty undeniable.
As time went on, we got closer, I think. There was even a point when she told Tranzilla & I that we were like her brothers--or sisters, she just couldn't decide. Later on I was to discover that she has a tendency to call the people in her life she's not having sex with by some familial name--brother, father, sister--until she does end up having some kind of sexual contact with them. But I'll get back to that later. There was something I liked about her. Not just that she was well-educated & very well spoken (she had grown up in Washington State, and so her accent alone made her exotic) but she was also quite good at actualizing. Like she just set goals and achieved them, unlike myself (and most of my coterie of friends) who was really good at thinking up cool ideas but not knowing how to go about making them happen. She was a survivor--she had been thru a bout with cancer and had lost her mother to the Big C & her father to AIDS. She had bonded closely with my neighbor Ella, who had lost one of her breasts because of Cancer. Despite all of this, she had a book deal. She had diplomas from universities. She attained jobs with ease.
But in her personal life---WHOA. Big troubles. Insecurity and narcissism led to bad decisions with men. She was the kind of gal to pick up dudes in bars & then wonder why they didn't call back. Yes. One of those kinds of gals. So she was seeing this white guy & turned up pregnant & the guy's family flipped out in some racist rage. Of course, when the baby came out blond & blue-eyed, the family was ok with the baby but she couldn't let go of her rage against them. But anyway she was an on-the-road kinda gal. She bounced from New Orleans to Washington State & back a few times and eventually lands up in Houston, dating a "great guy--and he's black!!" however, this relationship didn't work out because Mr Black Man was in the armed forces and had a pretty severe case of PTSD that manifested in alcoholism due to several tours of duty in Iraq & Afghanistan. oh & he was married with four kids anyway. Did I mention that she had a son by this man?
During this time, she was steadily losing weight; she got her breasts reduced & became a marathon runner. Our friendship is carried out mostly over the internet or phone:
"I'm not sure if I should keep this baby or have it adopted"
"I'm going to have it adopted"
"I changed my mind."
These little postcards from the edge are continuously entertaining. But I also have to remember that these calls for advice were also usually punctuated with offers to fly me to Seattle or Houston or wherever she was at that week to see her that never came to pass. There were promises of birthday presents, graduation presents, that were also not kept. There was some gift exchange though, over the years--I remember a hello kitty compact and some cookies from her & I sent some scarves, hats & headbands. I liked this girl. I thought she did crazy things but I really liked her & looked forward to hearing from her, even though the calls were often troubling, I did my best to always tell her the objective truth about things, and she always said that's what she valued most about our friendship.
So what, you may be asking, could have made me decide to be done with this woman?
Last summer, with the white man keeping her daughter, and the black man out of the picture (re-deployed maybe? I know there was some drama with his wife but it's all behind her now), she decides that she's going to spend the summer taking a road trip with her son, taking photographs & blogging throughout about the people she meets. I read the blog avidly, seeing photographs of poor people everywhere she goes. Like, did you intentionally seek out shelters? But anyway the blog stalls out in Missoula, Montana.
I get a phone call : "Do you think I should take over running this bar for a woman with cancer?"
"No grrl. One more or less bar in Missoula is not as important as following through with your plan."
"But I met a guy here & I really like him too!"
Here we go again. The guy is named Sam (how Freudian!!) but he is about to go study in Guatemala. She snags some job in record-keeping for the local city hall and enrolls in school there and gets her kids into the local day care. Sam takes off on her but there's a handy man who comes in really handy when she has a health scare and has to have a procedure that requires 4 or 5 days of recovery time. Without ever dating, she starts playing house with the handy man, who is in the middle of losing his job for a dirty drug test, but his cover story is that he just wants a break from the rat race. But she lets this man (and his teenage daughter) stay with her until one night once too often, he has some freak out & breaks her car windshield, again. He threw her on the bed & called her the N-word in front of her son. So she has had it with him.
But guess who is pregnant again??? And guess who gets a call?:
"Sam I need your help"
"Ok, what can I do from New Orleans?"
"Well, I need you to call this guy up, since I can't contact him without my lawyer because of the restraining order, and tell him I'm going to have an abortion, and I will leave his stuff at the lawyer's office."
"WHAT?"
"I need closure."
"But didn't you say earlier that you have an appointment to meet with the lawyer tomorrow at 4PM?"
"Well, yeah, but I can't wait that long"
"Why don't you just GO to the lawyer's office at 3 & drop his stuff off & tell your lawyer to tell him all of this madness??"
"Because I need this now!"
"Grrl. Look. You have been dealing with this man since, what, August? I think you can wait another 14 hours for closu---"
CLICK.
Yes. This chick hung up on me mid-sentence.
I reflected for a minute. Should I call back? Was the drama worth it? I think if any other ho hung up in my face like that, I'd be blowing their phone up in a hot second. But this? Not worth it. I just didn't feel like it any more.
Yesterday I got a text from an unsaved number that simply said: "This is my new number. Mo Gumbo"
I was flabbergasted, to tell the truth. After consulting with my baby Sis, Diana about how to proceed, I sent this text:
"Until you are ready to apologize to me for not taking part in your latest exercise in co-dependence, I don't think we need to be communicating"
I shared this with my so-called wife & she was like, "Well bitch, maybe it is time to say goodbye to this ho & goodbye to being the person you were when you knew her"
& I've never heard a truer word spoken.
So that's why Mo Gumbo's number is now also saved as "Do Not Answer"
It's not just goodbye Mo Gumbo. It's goodbye to taking on problems that are not mine. Goodbye to unnecessary drama and foolishness. Goodbye perpetuating a pattern of behavior that may have once worked but is by now just flat out tired, not to mention exhausting.
I feel like cleansing myself of this stuff is a good way to make room for the blessings that are to come.
Praise be.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Gratitude, not Attitude
So since my previous blog post (and even before, if I'm being honest) I have been so blessed during these troubled times. So to combat the self-pity and doomed feelings I was having earlier, I have decided to follow Oprah's advice & write a gratitude list. This list is not in any particular order and by no means complete. Like many people, I am sure I have blessings I don't even realize.
1. My food stamp case got re-instated on Friday!!
2. My dear friend Tara not only brought me some groceries when my stamps were de-activated but also gave me a guest-star bartending shift last Friday night at Galvez Restaurant.
3. My friend Staci not only treated me to pizza & good company, she also took care of my cell phone bill.
3. Giselle, my 1st Gally buddy & LRW extraordinaire not only paid the past due portion of my Entergy bill but also came by Sunday with her 2-year old & gave me a ride to "make groceries." We were 2 Large Retarded Women & a baby & Rouse's may never be the same!!!
4. After some discussion & prayer, my parents are sending a rent check to my landlady (I am currently about a week late on the rent, so this really does a lot for my state of mind)
5. Mad Martha has taken me out for meals & coffee & Escrabble, and sent job leads my way that I may not have ever considered without her.
6. My dear friend Robin is letting me take pilates class twice a week, thus providing some structure to my time. I can't say I've had some stunning weight loss results but I am showing progress. It really does me good to have at least 2 hours a week where I can get out of my head & get into my body, if that makes sense.
7. The Amazing Elisha still knows how to put everything into perspective when I need that other LRW POV on what's happening.
8. Sandi is always there for me to talk to. To tell the things that are too crazy or scary or real to blog about or tell anyone who hasn't known me for 20+ years.
9. Kris did a volunteer bartending shift with me Friday at Satchmo Strut after my twirl at Galvez and not only did we have fun doing that, she took me out to La Peniche afterwards & the conversation didn't stop til almost 5AM. I swear, if she wasn't black & 12 years younger than I am, I would think we were separated at birth.
10. Ashley, a friend & former student, took me out Saturday for dinner, drinks & an eye-opening conversation.
11. My sisters, Sara & Diana, are always there & somehow have just the right things to say. They both remind me that despite my latest setbacks, I am not a failure, just another smart, funny person struggling with dumb, tragic circumstances.
All of this and so much more gives me the strength to keep plugging away. I am humbled by this outpouring of kindness and looking forward to the day when I can not just pay it back, but pay it forward as well.
Thank you to everyone I've mentioned & anyone I've forgotten!
& Thank you for reading!!
1. My food stamp case got re-instated on Friday!!
2. My dear friend Tara not only brought me some groceries when my stamps were de-activated but also gave me a guest-star bartending shift last Friday night at Galvez Restaurant.
3. My friend Staci not only treated me to pizza & good company, she also took care of my cell phone bill.
3. Giselle, my 1st Gally buddy & LRW extraordinaire not only paid the past due portion of my Entergy bill but also came by Sunday with her 2-year old & gave me a ride to "make groceries." We were 2 Large Retarded Women & a baby & Rouse's may never be the same!!!
4. After some discussion & prayer, my parents are sending a rent check to my landlady (I am currently about a week late on the rent, so this really does a lot for my state of mind)
5. Mad Martha has taken me out for meals & coffee & Escrabble, and sent job leads my way that I may not have ever considered without her.
6. My dear friend Robin is letting me take pilates class twice a week, thus providing some structure to my time. I can't say I've had some stunning weight loss results but I am showing progress. It really does me good to have at least 2 hours a week where I can get out of my head & get into my body, if that makes sense.
7. The Amazing Elisha still knows how to put everything into perspective when I need that other LRW POV on what's happening.
8. Sandi is always there for me to talk to. To tell the things that are too crazy or scary or real to blog about or tell anyone who hasn't known me for 20+ years.
9. Kris did a volunteer bartending shift with me Friday at Satchmo Strut after my twirl at Galvez and not only did we have fun doing that, she took me out to La Peniche afterwards & the conversation didn't stop til almost 5AM. I swear, if she wasn't black & 12 years younger than I am, I would think we were separated at birth.
10. Ashley, a friend & former student, took me out Saturday for dinner, drinks & an eye-opening conversation.
11. My sisters, Sara & Diana, are always there & somehow have just the right things to say. They both remind me that despite my latest setbacks, I am not a failure, just another smart, funny person struggling with dumb, tragic circumstances.
All of this and so much more gives me the strength to keep plugging away. I am humbled by this outpouring of kindness and looking forward to the day when I can not just pay it back, but pay it forward as well.
Thank you to everyone I've mentioned & anyone I've forgotten!
& Thank you for reading!!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Because YOU demanded it!
Well, at least one of you asked for it. I was with a friend last night who commented, "It's been a long time since you posted a blog," to which I replied: "Well, there is not a lot to say & I don't wanna spew my self-pity all over the internet."
The more I think about it, why not update everyone? It can't hurt and maybe it could help. I haven't been posting lately because I haven't thought anyone would want to know my bad news but then again, my readers are mostly (I hope) friends who love and care for me so here goes.
I am doing really badly. I have been desperately seeking employment since June with very little response. I have registered with Temp Services, a tutoring agency, advertised as a tutor on Craig's List, and even pulled together a waiter resumé and send several of them out to many local restaurants. So far I had one interview at a restaurant that I thought went well but didn't result in my getting hired. My food stamp case got closed on June 30th because I didn't make sure that UNO sent the FS office verification that I am not working there any more. Once I found that out by calling to check my balance on the day I was supposed to get more stamps (July 14) on my LA Purchase card (naturally I was not notified of this), I began emailing my caseworker to find out what I needed to do to get my case re-opened. After several emails & voicemail messages, he finally contacted me & told me what I needed to do, I contacted UNO's HR dept to get the information (which took several days, naturally) so I could forward it to my caseworker. A few days after I did this, I was still frantically checking my FS balance via phone & still hearing that it is ZERO. Several more voicemails & emails to my caseworker later, I got an email on July 25 that stated :
I did receive the information from UNO about your employment ending. However, when I attempted to complete your SNAP case, the check stubs provided were not efficient (seriously??) enough to justify you (I think he means "your") statements. You stated you rent is $500 a month, and that you pay utilities, but your check stubs do not show an efficient (this person is employed & I am not, are you kidding me?) amount of money to care for all of your expenses. If you have any other source of income, please provide a statement explaining where the income is coming from. If not, I need to know how you manage this expenses. You have until 7/29/2011 to submit this information before your case will be closed completely without a chance of reopening immediately, and you will have to re-apply. If you have more current check stubs that show enough income to care for expenses, you may submit those.
I contacted my caseworker and explained that when I was receiving Financial Aid, I paid my rent several months in advance (AKA thru August 1) and used my regular income to handle my monthly bills. Naturally I received no response until July 29, when he called, all apologetic, and told me that he was forwarding my case to the reinstatement dept, and that I should have more stamps on that day (Friday) or Monday at the latest. So when I still had a Zero balance on my acct Monday I called the FS help line, where (after 20 plus minutes of hold time on Daytime minutes) some lady answered the phone and when I told her my situation, she told me that it takes 30 BUSINESS days for food stamps to get re-instated. I think I burst into tears at this point and got off the phone.
2 weeks ago or so I applied for Unemployment Benefits (something I haven't done since Hurricane Katrina) and received two letters. The 1st stated that I was ineligible and the second stated that I was eligible for $109 per week. The deal with unemployment is that every Sunday you have to either phone in or log in online and file a weekly claim. Well, guess who has filed every week and still received ZERO? Right 1st time! I called these people Friday and after 28 minutes of daytime minutes on hold, some woman with a thick foreign accent (I really wonder if they are outsourcing) got on the phone and after verifying everything besides my eye color & genetic code, she placed me once again on hold for an additional several minutes, only to get back on the phone and tell me that my case will have to be reviewed because they are not sure I have worked long enough to be eligible for this grandiose sum of $109/week. As I was reviewing their info, I realized that they only have records of me working for the last 3 quarters. This is when it hit me that UNO never took federal taxes or anything out of my stipend when I was teaching and that because Tulane dragged their feet about paying me, they only have record of me working and paying into the system since last October. UGH. Miss Woman also told me that she has no possible way of knowing how long it will take the Review department (or whoever) to check my information, as there are any number of applicants ahead of me in line for review, but that I should keep filing my weekly claims in case they decide to approve me.
This is really absurd to me. This kind of thing is just a question of somebody POINTING & CLICKING. People transfer MILLIONS at the stroke of a few keys and somehow I can't get this measly $109/week? I'm fairly certain this exchange got pretty tearful as well. Then Miss Woman put me on hold for several more daytime minutes and then got back on the line and said, all chipper like "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Like she had helped in the first place. I managed to choke out "No thanks" and got off the phone before my hunger and anger vented on a call that was possible being recorded.
I don't know if this is coming out clearly or not but I don't want the food stamps. I don't want the Unemployment Benefits. What I want is a job in my field and not to be just another over-educated, unemployed, almost 40 year old living off the government. I have deliberately kept my expenses minimal: No credit cards, no car, my bills solely consist of rent, utilities, phone, internet & TV and I still can't make ends meet. My moods swing from grateful beyond reason to those who have done their damnedest to help and resentful beyond belief and those who are taking extravagant vacations while I try to work up the nerve to ask my parents for financial help. There are some days when I can't even find the motivation to get up off the couch or bathe or do much more than nibble on the last little drops of hummus in the fridge. I stopped working on my Dalida biography translation project, because I am at the point in the story where she first attempts suicide & that is too dark of a place for me to let my mind go.
I am doing my best to stay in a place of gratitude and realize that I really am blessed. People have it worse than me. Some people are suffering in this heat with no roof over their heads and no place to cool off and no friends to bolster their spirits and bring them groceries or take them out for dinner & Escrabble. I try to keep reminding myself that I am doing the right things. Sending out resumes, making contacts, but in the back of it all the ugly fact is that I am down to single digits in the bank and as far as I can tell there are no food pantries in walking distance (I have called all the places listed on the 2nd harvest website, and only 2 have responded, both to say that they are not, in fact, food pantries, but they provide snacks from 2nd Harvest to their nursery school students and/or parishioners.)
Anyway. Sorry this is not the usual, upbeat, funny blog you have all come to love & expect. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts & prayers.
The more I think about it, why not update everyone? It can't hurt and maybe it could help. I haven't been posting lately because I haven't thought anyone would want to know my bad news but then again, my readers are mostly (I hope) friends who love and care for me so here goes.
I am doing really badly. I have been desperately seeking employment since June with very little response. I have registered with Temp Services, a tutoring agency, advertised as a tutor on Craig's List, and even pulled together a waiter resumé and send several of them out to many local restaurants. So far I had one interview at a restaurant that I thought went well but didn't result in my getting hired. My food stamp case got closed on June 30th because I didn't make sure that UNO sent the FS office verification that I am not working there any more. Once I found that out by calling to check my balance on the day I was supposed to get more stamps (July 14) on my LA Purchase card (naturally I was not notified of this), I began emailing my caseworker to find out what I needed to do to get my case re-opened. After several emails & voicemail messages, he finally contacted me & told me what I needed to do, I contacted UNO's HR dept to get the information (which took several days, naturally) so I could forward it to my caseworker. A few days after I did this, I was still frantically checking my FS balance via phone & still hearing that it is ZERO. Several more voicemails & emails to my caseworker later, I got an email on July 25 that stated :
I did receive the information from UNO about your employment ending. However, when I attempted to complete your SNAP case, the check stubs provided were not efficient (seriously??) enough to justify you (I think he means "your") statements. You stated you rent is $500 a month, and that you pay utilities, but your check stubs do not show an efficient (this person is employed & I am not, are you kidding me?) amount of money to care for all of your expenses. If you have any other source of income, please provide a statement explaining where the income is coming from. If not, I need to know how you manage this expenses. You have until 7/29/2011 to submit this information before your case will be closed completely without a chance of reopening immediately, and you will have to re-apply. If you have more current check stubs that show enough income to care for expenses, you may submit those.
I contacted my caseworker and explained that when I was receiving Financial Aid, I paid my rent several months in advance (AKA thru August 1) and used my regular income to handle my monthly bills. Naturally I received no response until July 29, when he called, all apologetic, and told me that he was forwarding my case to the reinstatement dept, and that I should have more stamps on that day (Friday) or Monday at the latest. So when I still had a Zero balance on my acct Monday I called the FS help line, where (after 20 plus minutes of hold time on Daytime minutes) some lady answered the phone and when I told her my situation, she told me that it takes 30 BUSINESS days for food stamps to get re-instated. I think I burst into tears at this point and got off the phone.
2 weeks ago or so I applied for Unemployment Benefits (something I haven't done since Hurricane Katrina) and received two letters. The 1st stated that I was ineligible and the second stated that I was eligible for $109 per week. The deal with unemployment is that every Sunday you have to either phone in or log in online and file a weekly claim. Well, guess who has filed every week and still received ZERO? Right 1st time! I called these people Friday and after 28 minutes of daytime minutes on hold, some woman with a thick foreign accent (I really wonder if they are outsourcing) got on the phone and after verifying everything besides my eye color & genetic code, she placed me once again on hold for an additional several minutes, only to get back on the phone and tell me that my case will have to be reviewed because they are not sure I have worked long enough to be eligible for this grandiose sum of $109/week. As I was reviewing their info, I realized that they only have records of me working for the last 3 quarters. This is when it hit me that UNO never took federal taxes or anything out of my stipend when I was teaching and that because Tulane dragged their feet about paying me, they only have record of me working and paying into the system since last October. UGH. Miss Woman also told me that she has no possible way of knowing how long it will take the Review department (or whoever) to check my information, as there are any number of applicants ahead of me in line for review, but that I should keep filing my weekly claims in case they decide to approve me.
This is really absurd to me. This kind of thing is just a question of somebody POINTING & CLICKING. People transfer MILLIONS at the stroke of a few keys and somehow I can't get this measly $109/week? I'm fairly certain this exchange got pretty tearful as well. Then Miss Woman put me on hold for several more daytime minutes and then got back on the line and said, all chipper like "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Like she had helped in the first place. I managed to choke out "No thanks" and got off the phone before my hunger and anger vented on a call that was possible being recorded.
I don't know if this is coming out clearly or not but I don't want the food stamps. I don't want the Unemployment Benefits. What I want is a job in my field and not to be just another over-educated, unemployed, almost 40 year old living off the government. I have deliberately kept my expenses minimal: No credit cards, no car, my bills solely consist of rent, utilities, phone, internet & TV and I still can't make ends meet. My moods swing from grateful beyond reason to those who have done their damnedest to help and resentful beyond belief and those who are taking extravagant vacations while I try to work up the nerve to ask my parents for financial help. There are some days when I can't even find the motivation to get up off the couch or bathe or do much more than nibble on the last little drops of hummus in the fridge. I stopped working on my Dalida biography translation project, because I am at the point in the story where she first attempts suicide & that is too dark of a place for me to let my mind go.
I am doing my best to stay in a place of gratitude and realize that I really am blessed. People have it worse than me. Some people are suffering in this heat with no roof over their heads and no place to cool off and no friends to bolster their spirits and bring them groceries or take them out for dinner & Escrabble. I try to keep reminding myself that I am doing the right things. Sending out resumes, making contacts, but in the back of it all the ugly fact is that I am down to single digits in the bank and as far as I can tell there are no food pantries in walking distance (I have called all the places listed on the 2nd harvest website, and only 2 have responded, both to say that they are not, in fact, food pantries, but they provide snacks from 2nd Harvest to their nursery school students and/or parishioners.)
Anyway. Sorry this is not the usual, upbeat, funny blog you have all come to love & expect. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts & prayers.
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