So I got a call today from....let's call him Lil Jay. This is a guy who I've known since 1999 or so & we called him that to distinguish him from his then-boyfriend, Big Jay. We all had our own drug problems but these two were like one of the Supercouples of Drug-tainted Bad Relationships. (*see Jesus Junkies blog for more on this) Big Jay was a club-level coke dealer & Lil Jay was a cute, younger drug addict (I think 21 to Big Jay's 28ish) so you can imagine the kinds of fireworks this was. They both liked to do lots of drugs and racked up big bills with all the upper-level dealers on the scene. Same sad story all the time: they'd get a certain amount up front & then couldn't pay up later. "Something came up," as they say...They eventually got so tragic that they both had to leave town. I had a mad crush on Big Jay before Lil Jay got on the scene & somewhere along the line I had a cuddling/makeout session with Lil Jay (prior to the heights of tragedy they would later attain)...but I digress.
Anyway, periodically I have gotten calls from Lil Jay. He's here, he's there. He's drunk. He's in AA. He's drunk again. He joined the Navy at some point & got put out for drug use. He wants to hang out. He is living in some other state & recently got so drunk that his BAC was an 8.0. Yes the decimal point is in the right place. He's back in Lousiana and wants to hang out.
The last time I got a call from him (I think January or February 2011) he was back in Central Louisiana, living at his mom's place & working & sounding pretty good. He was talking about coming to NOLA for a visit because he really wanted to see me. He was periodically giving me updates about Big Jay (they were not dating as BJ was still in FL with his parents, and trying to get off a pain pill addiction he'd picked up and extricate himself from some recurrent legal problems--go figure) and I was very....apprehensive? ambivalent? Something along those lines about the whole idea of Lil Jay coming for a visit into my (relatively) well-ordered life. Well, it was just a weekend. It wouldn't interfere with my real-life. But I really wasn't 100% sure about what was going to happen so I just directly asked him if we were gonna have sex when he got here. He said, "well yeah! Why wouldn't I want to have sex with you?" (For future reference, this is NOT a good come-on in my book) So I was into it, mostly because he's actually quite hot & bc he's kinda one of the few that "got away" (thankfully so). And so the big day arrives & that morning he sends me some sexy text messages & tells me he'll be in town by 9ish.
And then he never shows up. No Call, No Text, No Show, No Nothing. Please keep in mind the last time he was supposed to come over was in 2006 & the next day he called from jail, needing to be bailed out from a DUI. So I just take it for granted that some other ignorant thing has happened to him & I don't flip about it. I actually was relieved more than anything else. I deleted him from my FB but not from my phone, just in case he tried to call again.
Well, today after work at the Medical School, I was waiting for the bus & Guess Who is just bored enough to answer this foolish child's call??? That's right, me, everyone's favorite Large Retarded Woman!!!
--Hello?
--Do you hate me?
--Lil Jay, I don't hate you. I'm disapointed that you flaked but I take for granted that as long as you are drinking you are not reliable.
--Sam, the reason why I couldn't come see you is that I felt like I would be cheating on Big Jay. He & I were talking about getting back together & I just didn't think it would be right to lead you on that way.
--Grrl so why are you calling me now?
--Well, Big Jay got in trouble for selling Oxycontin again & his mom won't bail him out of jail & he was supposed to come over here last month & he never showed up & he promised he was trying to clean up & I'm just so mad I could punch the wall.
--It really sucks when someone flakes out on you, doesn't it?
It was around this point that the bus came. Since I don't like talking on the bus I told him I'd call him back when I got home. When I called him from home the 1st thing I asked was "Have you been drinking?"
Surprise, the answer is YES.
--you prolly think I'm a bad person for doing this Sam
--No grrl I just think it's a shame that this is how you still keep dealing with things despite the fact that it is clearly not working.
I have to issue a disclaimer here--I realize that I am thriving off the drama of all of this & should have hung up the phone right here, but then I wouldn't have this story to tell!
So he starts telling me how mad he is at Big Jay for lying to him about getting off the pills and getting into trouble again and I asked him what he would tell me if I was trying to be friends some toxic person like my snaggle-puss tranny ex-roomie, Summer Teef, and he got all confused about what I was talking about, the way drunk hoes do. So after a few rounds of this (and a couple mentions of how he's about to go hang out with this cute 16 y.o. named Olly--who later turns out to be his cousin, but I'm sure that would be another story if I had the stomach for it) I finally just get down to brass tacks:
--So what is it that you want from me, Jay? Why are you calling after all this time when you have been drinking at 4 in the afternoon?
--I have to ask you something.
--........OK.
--This might seem like a fucked-up thing to ask.
--I'm sure it is, go ahead already.
--Well, if I decide to give things a try with you & come stay with you, can you support me until I can get a job in NOLA?
**I swear my jaw hit the floor at this point**
--No. I am not in a position to support anyone else in general and certainly not you in particular. But I don't understand why it is you think I want to give things a try with you. Beyond maybe a roll in the hay I don't really think you have a lot to offer. Even if I had just hit the Powerball & had infinite trillions at my disposal I wouldn't support you.
--Well, you were quick enough to take that money I was handing out after I ripped off Wells Fargo for like 20K in cash.
--Yea, and I also gave it back to you when you showed up at my house saying that your drugs were missing & you needed it back.
--Sam, why don't you think it would work out between us?
--Are you serious? It wouldn't work out between us because you are still fucked up. I can't trust you. That's it & that's all.
--You just don't get it Sam, drinking is the only way out that I have. I have to get out of my house right now, my mom's coming home & I'm drunk.
--I do not accept that ho. Drinking is the only way out that you're giving yourself. You are limiting yourself and this thing is killing you.
--What's the matter with me, Sam? Why can't I make it work with Big Jay??
--Grrl the problem now is the problem then: Both of you are fucked up & that's that. Neither one of you wants to grow up or change, no matter how much you suffer. But of all the things I have said to you today remember this: DO NOT CALL ME WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. PERIOD. GOODBYE.
Clearly this is where I hung up & texted him the sentence in caps you just read. I got back an "I'm sorry" text.
Bitch Please. I was hanging out with my friend Matty Whips after the fact & this conversation just kept ringing in my ears. "Can you support me??" Indeed. I just do not know where some faggots get their nerve. "Why wouldn't I wanna have sex with you?" Well, honey, I can only come up with one reason to have sex with you, and that's just revenge. There are a whole ton more good reasons not to have sex with you that I don't even have the time to blog about.
At some point in our conversation he said something about being at a crossroads in his life. I was thinking more like tied to a railroad track with a big old engine with Jack Daniels written across it barrelling down on him like the Japanese Bullet trains that I see on the Hello Kitty websites.
But as I think of it, I'm at a crossroads myself. And I thank God, the Universe, Allah & any & all potential deities I may have overlooked that I'm not where he is.
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