Fun with make up tests!

So this student who sent me the deranged email from the previous blog found me in the copy room during my office hours yesterday (which kinda blows his/her excuse about a doctor's appointment, btw) and it really was a good thing I was copying the tests I was about to administer so I didn't have to look at him/her in the face.
--Did you get my email, Don?
--Yes.
--Is that cool if I come during your office hours for that retake.
--Yes. (still staring at the copy machine)
--I was just wondering if you got my email.
--Yes. (continue staring at the copy machine as it proceeds to have a nervous breakdown in sympathy as the paper jams)
--OK I wasn't really sure I sent it to the right email.
--I'll see you Wednesday, the copy machine is going crazy.

Fast-Forward to my office hours today. They begin at 1 & class is at two. Crazy Student breezes in to my office (where another student is taking a makeup as well), waving around this piece of paper, saying "I was making a copy of this for" (umm, the last time you saw me I was at a copy machine, I'm pretty sure I could have made a copy, paper jams tend not to have long-term damage) I took this person outside & questioned him/her about the logic involved with showing up 15 minutes late. I got a blank stare followed by:
--Well, I didn't realize you were such a stickler for punctuality. I figured I could just take the test real fast & then see you in class.
--What you are not understanding here is that our class starts at 2. This means you will have to take the test "real fast" & then I will have to grade it "real fast" so you can make an informed decision about whether or not you are going to drop this class. What I am not understanding is why you weren't here earlier. If it were me in this situation, I promise you I would have been here 15 minutes earlier, STUDYING. Perhaps with those notecards I mentioned in class.

You have no idea how glad I was that the next thing I heard was not "What are notecards?"

So I had this person sit & take the test & SURPRISE: an F. S/He sat there & watched me grade the test. I couldn't look at him/her then either. After I wrote the 48 on the page I handed the test back & said, "I really don't know what to say about this that I haven't already said. I honestly do my very best to try to make this material comprehensible but this is clearly not the time for you to be taking this class."
More blank staring & then a sort of hangdog look & then "Ok, then, see you around."

Needless to say this person was absent from class but, last time I checked online, has still not dropped the class.

In other news, here is the latest gem from my inbox, from a different student:

Buenas noches Dr. Ray,

I would have liked to speak with you in person in regards with my grades but since I procrastinated, I can't do so and I sincerely apologize for that. I understand that I've made a lot of poor grades (i.e I have failed everything and never done any homework). since I started this class. And I was wondering, if possible, by doing all of the assignments and voice recordings, along with doing exceptional on the next few tests that I would end up with a possible C? I'm not even sure if I'm asking too much for even a C. I was hoping to get an insight with you on whether or not I should just drop this class. Thank you for your time

 

Ok. Now this I can deal with.

& I thought the notecard questions were insolent...

Here is another awesome email from one of my lil brainiacs. This person actually sent this to me twice, 1st as a reply to a mass email I sent a week ago & the second time as a stand-alone message. Neither time did /she actually sign it. In case you are wondering why s/he calls me "Don," it is because I often sign my emails "Don Samuel"--i.e. it is a title & not my 1st name. I'm not sure this person knows this or not. Please understand that this is a student who didn't come to the midterm (nor send an email or call ahead) and just popped back into class the following Wednesday. I offered to let him/her take a make-up on Friday, s/he agreed. When I arrived Friday, guess what s/he was sitting around doing at this desk in the Foreign Languages Office? If you guessed "studying," You're Dead Wrong. S/he was Texting. TEXTING!! Needless to say, s/he was CLEARLY not ready to take the midterm, so I allowed him/her until Monday to prepare. This is also someone who hasn't passed ANYTHING besides one quiz (and I think I was probably drunk when i graded it, so it's most likely a mistake on my part than studying on his/hers). S/he scraped by on the midterm & decided NOT to drop the class (against my advice). So now, without any further ado, comes this (file it under: give an inch & they try to take a mile)

Hey Don

  Check it out. I just got word that I have a doctors (doctor's, you mean) appointment for Monday at 2:30pm. (Our class is at 2:00pm) Its (It's or it is) really difficult for me to get these appoinments so I have to go when they fit me in. I know we have a test on Monday and I am trying to do better then the stunt I pulled during the exam and let you know as soon as I know. (Have YOU ever heard of a doctor's office that gave out appointments on Sunday??) I will be able to provide a doctors excuse from their office. If your (you're or you are) not cool with letting me make up the test I respect that as you have already done it once (actually twice, if you think about it) but I want you to let me know the verdict. (No, you really don't) I resent (re-sent, you mean?) it cause (because, you mean) I did not change the subject in the reply email and I did not want you to think I was that lazy. (TOO LATE)

This is me again. Le Sigh. I haven't answered this yet. I would appreciate some suggestions here. I am completely at a loss. Every time I try, I just end up typing "PLEASE DROP THIS CLASS & STOP MAKING ME GRADE THIS NONSENSE YOU ARE NOT EVEN TRYING TO STUDY" or some variant thereof.....

One of my students seriously sent me this:

Hola Sr. Ray
I missed class yesterday and I was wondering about a make up test I could take. I have no valid excuse other than I had problems with my girlfriend. To be honest the while thing seemed like a guiding light story, if you'd like to hear it I wouldn't mine if it means I get to make up the test I missed. Lol

Is it just my imagination, or is this the most asinine thing you have ever read?

I have not responded yet, although I have composed several scathing emails, which I am pretty sure I deleted instead of sending. That part was not easy. I do try to remember that if an email contains the phrase "You dumb motherhumper" it will only cause me trouble in the future. What seems like devastating wit can quickly become evidence if there are any troubles later on....