So this last week at work was a toughie, to say the least. As you will remember from previous posts, I am a teacher's assistant for 2 classes of 3rd graders in a French Immersion school. The teachers are a French man & a Senegalese woman. The Frenchman's class is like behavior disorder central, with one of the students in particular being the butterfly whose wings cause hurricanes. Her whole day is a series of freak-outs, to the point where having to deal with this girl gives me anxiety. I seriously dread dealing with this girl. Miss Senegal's class is well-behaved as she is strict and yells at them a lot.
Anyway, I got an email from the Principal a few days ago, asking me to shadow another assistant in another class for the 1st two hours of the last couple of days. After the 1st day of that, the Lead Teacher (aka not either of the teachers I work for) of 3rd grade pulled me aside & wanted to talk to me about how things were going. I was very direct with her. I told her that I have had more training to wait tables and that I find the Frenchman dismissive & uncommunicative, while Miss Senegal the Tooth-Sucker at least has tasks for me when I arrive in class, little piles of paper with Post-Its on them. We talked about the situation overall, about cultural differences and expectations and clarification of my role, and I definitely got the impression that there had been some discussion about my job performance amongst the staff and at the end of it, I felt good that I had finally received some sort of feedback. Some of it was negative, to be sure, but at the very least, I felt like Miss Lead Teacher heard what I said.
So yesterday after we dismissed the kids, I found out that that I had a meeting with Miss Senegal, the Frenchman & Miss Lead. Right then. About me. Miss Lead came in with a feedback form, (various criteria on a scale of 1-4 I think, such as "Speaks the Target Language with Students" and "Fosters learning environment") and Miss Senegal had the class & good taste to point out the imperfections in my French, such as switching up masculine/feminine nouns and sometimes just approximating a word in French from either of the other languages I speak. She had a laugh about my saying "calculation" instead of "calcul," for example. The Frenchman, on the other hand, said that my "register" with the kids is not right & I say "bad words" like "dégueulasse" for "disgusting" or "gamin" instead of "enfant" for "kid."
This was starting to get hard to take & I was hoping we could just stick to the criteria, and go on to the next checklist item. But no. Miss Senegal seized the occasion to enumerate every misstep I've made since August 29th.
--From the very first day, you walked into class, you didn't know what the students were doing, they might have been taking a test & you said "Bonjour les enfants" with enthusiasm in your voice, and you perturbed the whole class. The next week, you were too nice to the kids & always sucking your teeth & then you bragged to me about having 2 Master's degrees and said you didn't like making photocopies...
This is where I had to break in. "No, you misunderstand. I never said that. I don't have 2 Masters, and what I didn't like was being sent to make double-sided photocopies without being given a code for the machine & every other person in the teachers' lounge just watching me have a problem & ignoring my requests for help so they could keep eating and talking about their vacation plans."
This didn't slow down Miss Senegal though, she didn't miss a beat and continued to present her skewed POV on the last few weeks, telling me that I help the kids too much when they are supposed to be doing individual work & the 1st time she asked me to do remedial work 1-on-1 with the kids, I refused (a flat lie--she had taken me by surprise once by asking me to tutor a kid in a subject I wasn't familiar with) and when I did, "my attitude" showed her that I didn't want to do it, and the one time she let me lead the class in a subject, I went too far explaining rounding numbers, and the other time she left me alone with the kids, she came back in and they were talking too much. She seemed really put out that I asked to be shown how to do things, evidently I should be able to figure out how to grade tests without answer keys or use a completely unfamiliar grading scale just by observing, so "in all frankness" she asked, "How can I use you?"
This is one of those places where that split-second translation delay (we were having the whole conversation in French) probably saved me from getting an assault charge. I just cannot tell you how insulted I was by her straying from the task at hand and turning a feedback session into an occasion to annihilate me. I was absolutely "bouche-bé" as the French say (like mouth hanging open in surprise) and Miss Lead Teacher tried to intervene a bit and make Miss Senegal understand my good intentions & divert the conversation & here came the 2nd part of the 1-2 punch when Mr Frenchman hit me with a few anecdotes of how distracting I am for the kids but at least he had some advice to offer about how to keep calm & get better results out of them.
But it really didn't matter what he said. The blood was all rushing up in my ears and I felt like Miss Senegal had taken every positive feeling I had about the job and pissed all over them. By the time the meeting was over, I couldn't look anyone in the room in the face. Then Miss Senegal went over to the table where she had made a big mess from making fruit smoothies with the kids, so guess who had to grab the bowls & the blender carafes & took them & washed them in the sink of the girls bathroom?
Miss Lead Teacher could tell I was upset and came into the bathroom and asked if I wanted to come talk to her. I said "Non, on a tout dit" (No, everything was said). It was rude of me, especially when she was reaching out, but I kept my back turned and my eyes down and just looked at the carafe I was rinsing. She asked if I was OK. I just said "Oui." She asked if she would see me Monday, I just shrugged & said "On verra," (We will see.") But just now, as I'm thinking of it, maybe I said "Tu verras" (You will see)...at any rate, I meant the other.
Obviously, I will be back at work Monday. I wish I didn't have to be though. It sucks that I get along (I think) with every other member of the staff there, but these two....ugh.
I can't tell you how angry I still am about the way this whole thing went. Oh well, it is only until December 20th. Mercifully our Fall Break starts a week from yesterday & I can start looking for new job leads.....
PS. Damn the DA's office for not giving me that translator's job.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
1 week later...
Still no word from the Council on Day 13 of the adventure that is my job at ISL. Well, actually I talked to Miss Rotarian Lady & she said that she knew the other woman had made a decision, but she didn't know whom she had chosen. 7 days later it seems pretty likely that it wasn't me, as I have left at least 2 voicemails for the other lady & still heard nothing.
Yesterday, I finally thought to ask for a copy of the kids' daily schedule, since no one had given me one. This way, I am not continuously surprised that I am having to take them somewhere. As I mentioned previously, my day is split between 2 classes of 16 3rd graders. I take each group to lunch on alternating days & today I was with the....."interesting" class. All kids are a handful, but this group is even more so. During lunch, one of them threw up in front of the rest of them. Another one was going into Def-con 14 over being excluded from a hand-clapping game, these 2 little boys were just being all rowdy with each other, everythang.
When I had them line up, 2 by 2, I made them take each others' hands, since if I don't, they go from being a line to being mob in like 3 seconds flat. As we get to the hallway, I was walking along side them & the last two boys were behind me & I heard one of them say, "He's a faggot!"
My blood absolutely ran cold. My hands are shaking as I type this & I remember being 7 years old, in Mrs. Smith's 2nd Grade class at Hahnville Elementary, sitting in my little desk & another kid slapping me so hard on the back of my neck out of nowhere & me bursting into tears & him saying just that one word. Faggot. And no one came. I just buried my face in my little arms & just cried silently for a few minutes until Mrs Smith said, "wake up, Sam" & I just swallowed real hard & wiped my eyes & just kept going.
"Qui a dit ça??!?" (Who said that?)
& the one kid I'll call A. immediately piped up, "I didn't say anything!" Clearly, I know it's him, besides the fact that I know what his voice sounds like. I led them back up to the classroom & to my surprise, there was a Teachers' meeting going on, so I had to stand in the hallway, shushing the kids for a minute or two while the rest of them went into another classroom & Ulysse started with a Science lesson. I stood around for a minute, looking for some papers to correct or something & went into the hallway to look for Isabel, the other teacher I am assisting. She was still all slung up in her meeting, but she saw me looking in the window of the door & came out & we went into the other class & I told her what happened, looking for advice on discipline & she sucked her teeth in that Senegalese way I have adopted (I have GOT to stop doing this, BTW) & told me some horror stories about being called names by the students & then she said, "I don't find you very professional, so naturally the kids talk to you like you are their equal."
"So it's my fault?"
"No, but if you don't take a firm line with them, they will walk all over you."
Just about then, the kids came back in. She advised me to go outside for a walk, smoke a cigarette & relax b4 coming back in. So I did.
I swear, if I hadn't left my backpack up in the building, I'm pretty sure I'd have been on the Magazine bus in 2 minutes flat. But instead I gathered myself together & headed to the Principal's office. I told her my story. She identified both my issues & we talked for several minutes. She was incredibly supportive & we even had a hug afterwards. Then we headed downstairs to pull A. out of class. I hung back at 1st, and watched the Master at work. She started off with, "Do you know why I pulled you out of class?" & he was all evasive & when she got to the heart of the matter, he tried to say at first that it was the other little boy. We pulled the other little boy out of class & A. got all nervous & tried to flip the script & they both tried to tell some story that Miss Woman dismissed out of hand. She sent the other little boy back to class & then things got real serious. She explained to him about bad words & derogatory words. She asked if he even knew what the word faggot meant. He said, "It means you don't like someone?"
This is one of those times where I just wanted to burst out laughing but I didn't react (thankfully). Without flinching, Miss Principal Lady never gave him a definition but steered the conversation deftly into how much words hurt and how she was gonna have to tell his parents about the whole thing. He cried a bit, and after some prompting, apologized.
I thanked Miss Principal Lady profusely for having my back like that & after the kids all left, I got up on that bus & headed for the comfort of blogging & soaking my feet in my lil foot bath. Damn I wish I had me some hot boy to rub my feet.
& Damn the DA's office for not calling me back.
Yesterday, I finally thought to ask for a copy of the kids' daily schedule, since no one had given me one. This way, I am not continuously surprised that I am having to take them somewhere. As I mentioned previously, my day is split between 2 classes of 16 3rd graders. I take each group to lunch on alternating days & today I was with the....."interesting" class. All kids are a handful, but this group is even more so. During lunch, one of them threw up in front of the rest of them. Another one was going into Def-con 14 over being excluded from a hand-clapping game, these 2 little boys were just being all rowdy with each other, everythang.
When I had them line up, 2 by 2, I made them take each others' hands, since if I don't, they go from being a line to being mob in like 3 seconds flat. As we get to the hallway, I was walking along side them & the last two boys were behind me & I heard one of them say, "He's a faggot!"
My blood absolutely ran cold. My hands are shaking as I type this & I remember being 7 years old, in Mrs. Smith's 2nd Grade class at Hahnville Elementary, sitting in my little desk & another kid slapping me so hard on the back of my neck out of nowhere & me bursting into tears & him saying just that one word. Faggot. And no one came. I just buried my face in my little arms & just cried silently for a few minutes until Mrs Smith said, "wake up, Sam" & I just swallowed real hard & wiped my eyes & just kept going.
"Qui a dit ça??!?" (Who said that?)
& the one kid I'll call A. immediately piped up, "I didn't say anything!" Clearly, I know it's him, besides the fact that I know what his voice sounds like. I led them back up to the classroom & to my surprise, there was a Teachers' meeting going on, so I had to stand in the hallway, shushing the kids for a minute or two while the rest of them went into another classroom & Ulysse started with a Science lesson. I stood around for a minute, looking for some papers to correct or something & went into the hallway to look for Isabel, the other teacher I am assisting. She was still all slung up in her meeting, but she saw me looking in the window of the door & came out & we went into the other class & I told her what happened, looking for advice on discipline & she sucked her teeth in that Senegalese way I have adopted (I have GOT to stop doing this, BTW) & told me some horror stories about being called names by the students & then she said, "I don't find you very professional, so naturally the kids talk to you like you are their equal."
"So it's my fault?"
"No, but if you don't take a firm line with them, they will walk all over you."
Just about then, the kids came back in. She advised me to go outside for a walk, smoke a cigarette & relax b4 coming back in. So I did.
I swear, if I hadn't left my backpack up in the building, I'm pretty sure I'd have been on the Magazine bus in 2 minutes flat. But instead I gathered myself together & headed to the Principal's office. I told her my story. She identified both my issues & we talked for several minutes. She was incredibly supportive & we even had a hug afterwards. Then we headed downstairs to pull A. out of class. I hung back at 1st, and watched the Master at work. She started off with, "Do you know why I pulled you out of class?" & he was all evasive & when she got to the heart of the matter, he tried to say at first that it was the other little boy. We pulled the other little boy out of class & A. got all nervous & tried to flip the script & they both tried to tell some story that Miss Woman dismissed out of hand. She sent the other little boy back to class & then things got real serious. She explained to him about bad words & derogatory words. She asked if he even knew what the word faggot meant. He said, "It means you don't like someone?"
This is one of those times where I just wanted to burst out laughing but I didn't react (thankfully). Without flinching, Miss Principal Lady never gave him a definition but steered the conversation deftly into how much words hurt and how she was gonna have to tell his parents about the whole thing. He cried a bit, and after some prompting, apologized.
I thanked Miss Principal Lady profusely for having my back like that & after the kids all left, I got up on that bus & headed for the comfort of blogging & soaking my feet in my lil foot bath. Damn I wish I had me some hot boy to rub my feet.
& Damn the DA's office for not calling me back.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
LRW faces the Council....
Today was Day 6 of my job as a Teacher's Aide at ISL. While I was on my break, I walked over to Mojo's coffee shop & ran into a fellow hot-mess-turned-success, who owns the coffee shop! We didn't get to talk for very long, but it sure was nice to run into an old friend & know he's doing well despite (or maybe even because) of his former levels of tragedy, not unlike myself.
Anyway, my day at ISL was good, there was not a ton of stuff to do & interacting with the students really is a joy. However, one of the teachers whom I assist always has some menial thing for me to do after the kids are gone, like sharpen & sort a bunch of colored pencils. Today, my last task was to open all of our age-appropriate French-French dictionaries to a specific page (218, if you're wondering) & cover the anatomical drawings from chest to genitals with Post-it notes that I had to tape down, as if this is going to stop a determined 8-year-old from looking.
As most of you will already know, I had a 2nd interview scheduled with the DA's office today at 4:30. Mercifully, my dear friend Steve was able to give me a ride from ISL (this would have been an hour-long multiple-bus excursion otherwise, so I really am grateful for this) to the DA's office. I got to there 15 minutes early, and when I presented myself at the front desk, the Rotarian Lady from the 1st interview greeted me warmly, and had me sit at a conference table in the lobby to translate 3 pages of legal-related sentences from English into Spanish & 1 page in the opposite language combination to work on. When she asked if I had a pen, I said, "Of course," and got started.
She came down & checked on my progress twice & the 2nd time she had me stop & come up to meet with the rest of the interviewers. "How many more interviewers are we talking about here?" I thought, and as I walked up to this conference room, I could see that there were no less than 6 other people seated around this table, with the hot seat waiting for me.
The lady who conducted my 1st interview was seated at the head of the table and on her right was a white lady from the victims & witnesses services & a Hispanic lady & to her left was a Black lady from some other department and another white lady from the Diversion Dept & another Hispanic lady. It felt like the council of LRWs. Miss Woman from the 1st interview says "As I told you in the 1st interview, the 2nd interview will consist of you role-playing with these Spanish ladies & these White ladies with you acting as translator & then you will go downstairs with one of our native speakers to go over your written answers" (Clearly I am paraphrasing a bit) but I am now thinking, "Bitch you didn't tell me anything about this at the 1st interview. I am sure about this because I was hanging on your every word." But I just went with it.
There were words I didn't know, OK. I think I conveyed the better part of the material but there were definitely what felt like pauses to me. There was even a point where one of these White Ladies kinda carried on and I got lost in what she was saying & I had to ask her to repeat it. But I soldiered through it and when it was over, Miss Black Lady said, "well, that went really well."
Now I have to say this. Despite the fact that she said that, if I had left right then I'd have said, "Oh well, you didn't get this one, you will do better & get the next one." The pauses made me nervous & probably hyper-critical, but when I was going downstairs with Miss Native Speaker to go over the written portion, she complimented my Spanish & said in so many words that it was "excelente."
We went over the written answers and talked about a phrase I had translated awkwardly from the Miranda rights and then it was over. She seemed to accept my translations & may have noticed that I corrected the Spanish statements for grammar, accentuation & punctuation (I am sure any of my students who read this will tell you I am a stickler for these sorts of things). I think I forgot to mention that after the role-playing, Miss Woman from the 1st interview told me I should have a definite answer within 2-3 days.
I walked out into the beautiful, breezy weather & it felt like it used to when I was walking to work at Chateaubriand during those gorgeous, Pre-Katrina purply sunsets that we only get in South Louisiana, back when hope grew every day in my heart all the time along with all those different colored rosebushes I'd planted. I hope that's a good sign.
But if this is not what is in the cards for me at the moment, it is fine. My current job is really a wonderful opportunity to help NOLA youth to grow & learn, even if part of it includes a lil academic bitch-work There are a few LRWs there too, trust!
Thanks for reading!!
Anyway, my day at ISL was good, there was not a ton of stuff to do & interacting with the students really is a joy. However, one of the teachers whom I assist always has some menial thing for me to do after the kids are gone, like sharpen & sort a bunch of colored pencils. Today, my last task was to open all of our age-appropriate French-French dictionaries to a specific page (218, if you're wondering) & cover the anatomical drawings from chest to genitals with Post-it notes that I had to tape down, as if this is going to stop a determined 8-year-old from looking.
As most of you will already know, I had a 2nd interview scheduled with the DA's office today at 4:30. Mercifully, my dear friend Steve was able to give me a ride from ISL (this would have been an hour-long multiple-bus excursion otherwise, so I really am grateful for this) to the DA's office. I got to there 15 minutes early, and when I presented myself at the front desk, the Rotarian Lady from the 1st interview greeted me warmly, and had me sit at a conference table in the lobby to translate 3 pages of legal-related sentences from English into Spanish & 1 page in the opposite language combination to work on. When she asked if I had a pen, I said, "Of course," and got started.
She came down & checked on my progress twice & the 2nd time she had me stop & come up to meet with the rest of the interviewers. "How many more interviewers are we talking about here?" I thought, and as I walked up to this conference room, I could see that there were no less than 6 other people seated around this table, with the hot seat waiting for me.
The lady who conducted my 1st interview was seated at the head of the table and on her right was a white lady from the victims & witnesses services & a Hispanic lady & to her left was a Black lady from some other department and another white lady from the Diversion Dept & another Hispanic lady. It felt like the council of LRWs. Miss Woman from the 1st interview says "As I told you in the 1st interview, the 2nd interview will consist of you role-playing with these Spanish ladies & these White ladies with you acting as translator & then you will go downstairs with one of our native speakers to go over your written answers" (Clearly I am paraphrasing a bit) but I am now thinking, "Bitch you didn't tell me anything about this at the 1st interview. I am sure about this because I was hanging on your every word." But I just went with it.
There were words I didn't know, OK. I think I conveyed the better part of the material but there were definitely what felt like pauses to me. There was even a point where one of these White Ladies kinda carried on and I got lost in what she was saying & I had to ask her to repeat it. But I soldiered through it and when it was over, Miss Black Lady said, "well, that went really well."
Now I have to say this. Despite the fact that she said that, if I had left right then I'd have said, "Oh well, you didn't get this one, you will do better & get the next one." The pauses made me nervous & probably hyper-critical, but when I was going downstairs with Miss Native Speaker to go over the written portion, she complimented my Spanish & said in so many words that it was "excelente."
We went over the written answers and talked about a phrase I had translated awkwardly from the Miranda rights and then it was over. She seemed to accept my translations & may have noticed that I corrected the Spanish statements for grammar, accentuation & punctuation (I am sure any of my students who read this will tell you I am a stickler for these sorts of things). I think I forgot to mention that after the role-playing, Miss Woman from the 1st interview told me I should have a definite answer within 2-3 days.
I walked out into the beautiful, breezy weather & it felt like it used to when I was walking to work at Chateaubriand during those gorgeous, Pre-Katrina purply sunsets that we only get in South Louisiana, back when hope grew every day in my heart all the time along with all those different colored rosebushes I'd planted. I hope that's a good sign.
But if this is not what is in the cards for me at the moment, it is fine. My current job is really a wonderful opportunity to help NOLA youth to grow & learn, even if part of it includes a lil academic bitch-work There are a few LRWs there too, trust!
Thanks for reading!!
Monday, August 29, 2011
LRW at the ISL.
My day started at 5:45AM, when both my alarms started ringing & my coffeepot finished perking. Why so early? Well, in order to arrive at the International School of Louisiana at 7:45, I have to catch the Franklin bus at 6:50, which arrives at Rampart & Canal at 7:11, then I have to grab a Canal Streetcar over to Magazine St, where I catch the 7:32 bus, which drops me off at 1400 Camp St (AKA the ISL) right on time.
Fortunately, all of this NORTA stuff worked out fine & when I got to the school, I walked straight in through one of the doors, along with what seemed like everyone else, and I told the lady at the door that it was my 1st day as an assistant to 3rd grade. She brought me up to a classroom and the day started pretty abruptly.
I spent the majority of my time assisting a male teacher named Ulyssse, although there is another teacher who will be going on maternity leave on Sept 9th, and so after that point, I will be splitting my day in half between the two 3rd grade classes, assisting Ulysse & this other woman's replacement.
I was a bit surprised that there was no orientation or anything like that. In fact I was pretty tied up helping the students (who are all very bright & speak excellent French, btw) and correcting quizzes and that sort of thing. I had my 1st skool lunch in ages. A big part of the job is classroom management AKA keeping bright 8-year-olds in line. They are good kids though, as far as I can tell. Cute and polite, so far.
Their day is rigorously organised, with trips to the library and snacks & a twirl on the playground. I think I like it. There's something nice about being "Monsieur Sam."
I'm not sure if it's forever. I'm reserving judgment about this job until I have some more time in it. It is a long day though. I get out of work at 4:00, & have to take the Magazine bus to Canal, arriving at 4:20 (oh the irony) and from there I have several options. Today I took the Elysian Fields bus & arrived home around 5:30. Tomorrow I will try taking the streetcar to get back to the Franklin bus, which drops me off only 2 blox from home, whereas the EF drops me about 7 blox away. In NOLA heat, 5 blox can make all the difference...
Thanks for reading!!
Fortunately, all of this NORTA stuff worked out fine & when I got to the school, I walked straight in through one of the doors, along with what seemed like everyone else, and I told the lady at the door that it was my 1st day as an assistant to 3rd grade. She brought me up to a classroom and the day started pretty abruptly.
I spent the majority of my time assisting a male teacher named Ulyssse, although there is another teacher who will be going on maternity leave on Sept 9th, and so after that point, I will be splitting my day in half between the two 3rd grade classes, assisting Ulysse & this other woman's replacement.
I was a bit surprised that there was no orientation or anything like that. In fact I was pretty tied up helping the students (who are all very bright & speak excellent French, btw) and correcting quizzes and that sort of thing. I had my 1st skool lunch in ages. A big part of the job is classroom management AKA keeping bright 8-year-olds in line. They are good kids though, as far as I can tell. Cute and polite, so far.
Their day is rigorously organised, with trips to the library and snacks & a twirl on the playground. I think I like it. There's something nice about being "Monsieur Sam."
I'm not sure if it's forever. I'm reserving judgment about this job until I have some more time in it. It is a long day though. I get out of work at 4:00, & have to take the Magazine bus to Canal, arriving at 4:20 (oh the irony) and from there I have several options. Today I took the Elysian Fields bus & arrived home around 5:30. Tomorrow I will try taking the streetcar to get back to the Franklin bus, which drops me off only 2 blox from home, whereas the EF drops me about 7 blox away. In NOLA heat, 5 blox can make all the difference...
Thanks for reading!!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Anniversary Blog: An LRW FAQ
6 years ago, on this date, I evacuated New Orleans as Hurricane Katrina bore down upon us like the wrath of God. I didn't miss the irony of it. On this very same date in 2002, in Los Angeles, I felt the Hand of God in a pretty big way myself. For those of you who have forgotten, this is the very day that I taped my appearance on the game show, The Weakest Link. (The best part is when they don't know how it ends!!)
Here it is if you haven't seen it!
I often like to show my DVD of the episode to close friends, along with a live commentary, but until we can clear the rights, I will offer you my recollections of the Best Day of My Life. I have noticed people generally have a specific set of questions about my appearance, so here goes:
1. How did you get on the show?
I had been a big fan of the show since the hour-long prime-time version with Anne Robinson. When the show changed format to 30 mins during daytime with George Gray, I was still just as hooked. Every time they ran an ad after the show with a phone line to call in to be a contestant, I was dialing that phone like the very last kid with ADD, & usually all I heard was a busy signal. One fateful summer afternoon the line actually rang. I left a msg basically saying that I was a big fan of the show & that if they ever came to NOLA to cast they should give me a call.
At the time, my outgoing voicemail msg was:
"Hey Hey Hey
It's Sam Ray
& Who Can Say
Where I am Today?
Leave a message & I'll call back right away, OKAY??"
& will never forget it because one day I noticed an LA area code on my caller ID & got this msg:
"Wow Sam, if you are half as much fun as your voice-mail, you are just what we are looking for on The Weakest Link! We will be coming to the Marriott on Canal St in NOLA to hold try-outs, bring your friends and be ready to be there for a few hours!"
I was quivering already.
A few weeks later, I went to the hotel & there were about 100 of us in a big conference room, all seated at long tables. Packets were handed out for us to fill in, with questions about our hobbies & interests. Well, for the last several years, my hobbies had mostly been taking drugs, dressing crazy, talking crazy, going to clubs/bars/raves & somehow that just didn't seem appropriate to Weekday TV. So I told them about my obsession with Wonder Woman. How much I had loved her my whole life, and how my favorite power of hers is not the Magic Lasso (although a bondage toy that makes ppl tell the truth would surely come in handy) nor her super-strength but rather the fact that a quick spin was all she needed to have a whole new outfit, with accessories!!
Each one of our seats had a number in front of it, and we all had to introduce ourselves to the group and then we took a written, 20 question test. After a short break, the associate producers came back and read out the list of ppl who'd passed the written test & were moving on to a taped mock game for the producers to review.
After we finished with that, they sent us on our way, and by the following week, I had a voicemail that said:
"Pack your bags, Sam, you're coming to Hollywood! NBC has booked you on a round-trip flight to L.A. plus 2 nights at the Hilton Universal. The only money you need to bring is enough for meals and entertainment."
& That's how I got on the show.
2. How did you get around in LA?
NBC sent a limo-bus to pick me up from the airport. I had to find a driver with a sign with my name on it like you see in the movies. The next day, a limo picked myself and all of the other potential contestants from my show as well as potential contestants for a fireman-themed show, at about 7AM.
3. How long were you with the other contestants before you started taping?
We arrived at NBC studios around 7:15, where those of us from the hotel met up with 2 other potential contestants. We spent most of the day, waiting for the producers to arrive so we could meet with them in person. We knew that they were only going to use 6 contestants, so 2 people wouldn't make it through to the taping. We passed the time, chatting and eating pastries and drinking sodas, always supervised by Contestant Coordinators. Right until I went in to see the producers, I had those Wonder Woman bracelets in my pocket. I wasn't sure whether to wear them or not. I had consulted with this guy Victor that I knew about it, and he said "Grrl if you wear those things, you will be voted off in the 1st round."
His words echoed in my ears when I heard it was time to go in to see the producers. I said to myself, "No Guts, No Glory" & snapped those babies around my wrists. It's Showtime, Synergy. (OK that's Jem, not WW but it works for me)
We began taping around 3PM & it lasted about 1.5 hours.
3.I noticed you got rid of Hap in the 1st round, although he was the strongest player, Why?
Bottom line: He wasn't really nice during the pre-show. He was smug (if not mean-spirited) about the fact that he had previously been on Jeopardy, where he was runner-up, and he clearly felt that The Weakest Link was a big step down from Alex Trebek's stage. One of the lights actually went out during his "walk of shame" so he had to do it TWICE! I was thinking "Suffer, bitch!!!"
4. How could you miss the question about Cartman? You watched South Park for years, you went to see the movie, hell you even owned the movie?
I have no idea.
5. After Dr Ingrid changed her vote to keep you on the show, you voted her off, you are SCANDALOUS! What gives?
Well, I was originally going to vote off Marcy, but it was like a blessed wind from Paradise Island blew through that studio & ruffled that little curl on my forehead and I almost heard a voice that said "Look Over." So I glance over to my right, and I saw Dr Ingrid writing an "S" curve and I said to myself: "Bye Bye Dr Ingrid, I am gonna take my chances with the Hooters Waitress." If you pause the video when I announce my vote, you can see that I began to write an M, but scratched it out.
A word about Dr Ingrid: She was one of the most kind people I've ever met. After the taping, she said to me: "Sam, I just got out of Med Skool, I have a quarter million dollars in Financial Aid debt, 30K is a drop in my bucket. But it's a life-changing amount of money for you, and I'm honestly glad you have it." Then she even took me out for dinner & drinks & palmed me a few bucks for cover charges and cocktails.
6. What was the host really like?
I don't know, but he was relentlessly Letting Me Have It about the bracelets. Most of it got edited out but that's the biz I guess.
7. Did you ever get a car like you said in your closing remarks?
No. Actually they asked a few different questions and did 3 takes at that point and I ended all of them the same way, with the Amazon salute & the phrase "Justice HAS prevailed!!" but the first couple times I think I hit my mike, so that was the only usable take. That is my only regret about the whole thing, that I messed up the previous takes & they had to use that one.
8. What happened right after?
Well, I had to pee like CRAZY & I was sent out of the door by the booth where we gave the comments to NBC's public lobby restroom, i.e. the same restroom all these audience were using on their way out of the building. It was the Weirdest thing. People parted for me. Strangers calling out my name. "Way to go, Sam!!" "You're awesome!!" "Love the Bracelets!!" "Make way for the champ!" The line of men in the restroom let me go ahead of them. Afterwards, I went back upstairs, filled out some tax paperwork & gave Marcy the Wonder Woman lapel pin I was wearing in my collar as our limo bus dropped her off in the parking lot & the rest of us contestants headed back to the hotel.
9.How much tax did you have to pay on it?
When I finally got the check, 6 months later, as stipulated by the contract, California had withheld about $1500 in State Tax (most of which I got back later) & I pre-paid 20% of it off the top to the IRS.
10.What did you do with it all?
I cleared up some outstanding debts to Entergy & Cox Cable (the final legacy of my snaggle puss tranny roommate, Summer Teef), and paid my rent for a year. Since I had already started at school, I repaid my boyfriend for the tuition he'd paid & the books he'd bought & then paid for a few more semesters of school and books.
11. How did it feel?
It felt better than any drug I could imagine. It felt like sunshine in my belly. It felt like I was finally getting what I had always wanted, ever since the 1st time I saw The Price is Right or Tic Tac Dough or any number of other game shows. It felt like someone was telling me "Yes you can, Sam. You can wear the bracelets, you can be yourself, and you WILL be rewarded for it."
3 years later, 6 years ago, I left NOLA, sure that I would be back in just a few days. I stayed away a lot longer than that, but that, Gentle Readers, is a story for another time.
9 years later, I am at another crossroads: I begin a job tomorrow as a 3rd grade teacher's assistant at the International School of New Orleans on Camp Street. I also recently interviewed for a position as a Spanish Language Interpreter for the DA's office. I am waiting to hear back from them to discover if I will get a second interview. I may not wear the bracelets but dammit in some ways, I never took them off....
Praise Bless!
Here it is if you haven't seen it!
I often like to show my DVD of the episode to close friends, along with a live commentary, but until we can clear the rights, I will offer you my recollections of the Best Day of My Life. I have noticed people generally have a specific set of questions about my appearance, so here goes:
1. How did you get on the show?
I had been a big fan of the show since the hour-long prime-time version with Anne Robinson. When the show changed format to 30 mins during daytime with George Gray, I was still just as hooked. Every time they ran an ad after the show with a phone line to call in to be a contestant, I was dialing that phone like the very last kid with ADD, & usually all I heard was a busy signal. One fateful summer afternoon the line actually rang. I left a msg basically saying that I was a big fan of the show & that if they ever came to NOLA to cast they should give me a call.
At the time, my outgoing voicemail msg was:
"Hey Hey Hey
It's Sam Ray
& Who Can Say
Where I am Today?
Leave a message & I'll call back right away, OKAY??"
& will never forget it because one day I noticed an LA area code on my caller ID & got this msg:
"Wow Sam, if you are half as much fun as your voice-mail, you are just what we are looking for on The Weakest Link! We will be coming to the Marriott on Canal St in NOLA to hold try-outs, bring your friends and be ready to be there for a few hours!"
I was quivering already.
A few weeks later, I went to the hotel & there were about 100 of us in a big conference room, all seated at long tables. Packets were handed out for us to fill in, with questions about our hobbies & interests. Well, for the last several years, my hobbies had mostly been taking drugs, dressing crazy, talking crazy, going to clubs/bars/raves & somehow that just didn't seem appropriate to Weekday TV. So I told them about my obsession with Wonder Woman. How much I had loved her my whole life, and how my favorite power of hers is not the Magic Lasso (although a bondage toy that makes ppl tell the truth would surely come in handy) nor her super-strength but rather the fact that a quick spin was all she needed to have a whole new outfit, with accessories!!
Each one of our seats had a number in front of it, and we all had to introduce ourselves to the group and then we took a written, 20 question test. After a short break, the associate producers came back and read out the list of ppl who'd passed the written test & were moving on to a taped mock game for the producers to review.
After we finished with that, they sent us on our way, and by the following week, I had a voicemail that said:
"Pack your bags, Sam, you're coming to Hollywood! NBC has booked you on a round-trip flight to L.A. plus 2 nights at the Hilton Universal. The only money you need to bring is enough for meals and entertainment."
& That's how I got on the show.
2. How did you get around in LA?
NBC sent a limo-bus to pick me up from the airport. I had to find a driver with a sign with my name on it like you see in the movies. The next day, a limo picked myself and all of the other potential contestants from my show as well as potential contestants for a fireman-themed show, at about 7AM.
3. How long were you with the other contestants before you started taping?
We arrived at NBC studios around 7:15, where those of us from the hotel met up with 2 other potential contestants. We spent most of the day, waiting for the producers to arrive so we could meet with them in person. We knew that they were only going to use 6 contestants, so 2 people wouldn't make it through to the taping. We passed the time, chatting and eating pastries and drinking sodas, always supervised by Contestant Coordinators. Right until I went in to see the producers, I had those Wonder Woman bracelets in my pocket. I wasn't sure whether to wear them or not. I had consulted with this guy Victor that I knew about it, and he said "Grrl if you wear those things, you will be voted off in the 1st round."
His words echoed in my ears when I heard it was time to go in to see the producers. I said to myself, "No Guts, No Glory" & snapped those babies around my wrists. It's Showtime, Synergy. (OK that's Jem, not WW but it works for me)
We began taping around 3PM & it lasted about 1.5 hours.
3.I noticed you got rid of Hap in the 1st round, although he was the strongest player, Why?
Bottom line: He wasn't really nice during the pre-show. He was smug (if not mean-spirited) about the fact that he had previously been on Jeopardy, where he was runner-up, and he clearly felt that The Weakest Link was a big step down from Alex Trebek's stage. One of the lights actually went out during his "walk of shame" so he had to do it TWICE! I was thinking "Suffer, bitch!!!"
4. How could you miss the question about Cartman? You watched South Park for years, you went to see the movie, hell you even owned the movie?
I have no idea.
5. After Dr Ingrid changed her vote to keep you on the show, you voted her off, you are SCANDALOUS! What gives?
Well, I was originally going to vote off Marcy, but it was like a blessed wind from Paradise Island blew through that studio & ruffled that little curl on my forehead and I almost heard a voice that said "Look Over." So I glance over to my right, and I saw Dr Ingrid writing an "S" curve and I said to myself: "Bye Bye Dr Ingrid, I am gonna take my chances with the Hooters Waitress." If you pause the video when I announce my vote, you can see that I began to write an M, but scratched it out.
A word about Dr Ingrid: She was one of the most kind people I've ever met. After the taping, she said to me: "Sam, I just got out of Med Skool, I have a quarter million dollars in Financial Aid debt, 30K is a drop in my bucket. But it's a life-changing amount of money for you, and I'm honestly glad you have it." Then she even took me out for dinner & drinks & palmed me a few bucks for cover charges and cocktails.
6. What was the host really like?
I don't know, but he was relentlessly Letting Me Have It about the bracelets. Most of it got edited out but that's the biz I guess.
7. Did you ever get a car like you said in your closing remarks?
No. Actually they asked a few different questions and did 3 takes at that point and I ended all of them the same way, with the Amazon salute & the phrase "Justice HAS prevailed!!" but the first couple times I think I hit my mike, so that was the only usable take. That is my only regret about the whole thing, that I messed up the previous takes & they had to use that one.
8. What happened right after?
Well, I had to pee like CRAZY & I was sent out of the door by the booth where we gave the comments to NBC's public lobby restroom, i.e. the same restroom all these audience were using on their way out of the building. It was the Weirdest thing. People parted for me. Strangers calling out my name. "Way to go, Sam!!" "You're awesome!!" "Love the Bracelets!!" "Make way for the champ!" The line of men in the restroom let me go ahead of them. Afterwards, I went back upstairs, filled out some tax paperwork & gave Marcy the Wonder Woman lapel pin I was wearing in my collar as our limo bus dropped her off in the parking lot & the rest of us contestants headed back to the hotel.
9.How much tax did you have to pay on it?
When I finally got the check, 6 months later, as stipulated by the contract, California had withheld about $1500 in State Tax (most of which I got back later) & I pre-paid 20% of it off the top to the IRS.
10.What did you do with it all?
I cleared up some outstanding debts to Entergy & Cox Cable (the final legacy of my snaggle puss tranny roommate, Summer Teef), and paid my rent for a year. Since I had already started at school, I repaid my boyfriend for the tuition he'd paid & the books he'd bought & then paid for a few more semesters of school and books.
11. How did it feel?
It felt better than any drug I could imagine. It felt like sunshine in my belly. It felt like I was finally getting what I had always wanted, ever since the 1st time I saw The Price is Right or Tic Tac Dough or any number of other game shows. It felt like someone was telling me "Yes you can, Sam. You can wear the bracelets, you can be yourself, and you WILL be rewarded for it."
3 years later, 6 years ago, I left NOLA, sure that I would be back in just a few days. I stayed away a lot longer than that, but that, Gentle Readers, is a story for another time.
9 years later, I am at another crossroads: I begin a job tomorrow as a 3rd grade teacher's assistant at the International School of New Orleans on Camp Street. I also recently interviewed for a position as a Spanish Language Interpreter for the DA's office. I am waiting to hear back from them to discover if I will get a second interview. I may not wear the bracelets but dammit in some ways, I never took them off....
Praise Bless!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Back to Bimbo TV....
This is the first time since 2002 that I haven't been heading back to skool. It's kinda surreal. My friends are having Financial Aide Crises, Parking Decal Drama & Snarky Student Worker Re-runs. Like most of us born under the sign of Gemini, I am of two minds about this. While on the one hand I don't envy them the stress and its myriad of physical & emotional side FX but by the same token I miss having a place to go every day, people to see, projects to accomplish. Not just a bunch of hours punctuated by pilates twice a week but otherwise spent electronically numbing my overeducated brain with the most banal bunch of queens you can ever hope for:
YES I mean The A-List: New York!!! Not to mention RuPaul's Drag U, Hell's Kitchen & (BEST OF ALL) the new season of Hair Battle Spectacular!
And that's just Monday.
I guess if you like TV this is not a bad time to be unemployed, there are lots of great shows happening right now. Besides my only soap, Bold & the Beautician, I really am spoiled for choice, thanks to my DirecTV DVR. Tuesdays I think used to be Hawthorne, Wednesday is Damages & Rake exclusively on AUD network on DirecTV. I'm not sure about Thursday offhand but Friday is Torchwood & (OMG) the 2nd half of Dr Who's 2011 season starts this Saturday!
In other LRW news, I have a job interview tomorrow at the International School of Louisiana tomorrow at 9:30AM. Gettin up early enough for this is gonna be a task, I'd better let Drag U stay on my DVR tomorrow as an after-pilates treat. I go back to work at Tulane Med Skool on Thursday. It is not super trills but at least it is enough to keep my screens (TV, Phone, Computer) running!
YES I mean The A-List: New York!!! Not to mention RuPaul's Drag U, Hell's Kitchen & (BEST OF ALL) the new season of Hair Battle Spectacular!
And that's just Monday.
I guess if you like TV this is not a bad time to be unemployed, there are lots of great shows happening right now. Besides my only soap, Bold & the Beautician, I really am spoiled for choice, thanks to my DirecTV DVR. Tuesdays I think used to be Hawthorne, Wednesday is Damages & Rake exclusively on AUD network on DirecTV. I'm not sure about Thursday offhand but Friday is Torchwood & (OMG) the 2nd half of Dr Who's 2011 season starts this Saturday!
In other LRW news, I have a job interview tomorrow at the International School of Louisiana tomorrow at 9:30AM. Gettin up early enough for this is gonna be a task, I'd better let Drag U stay on my DVR tomorrow as an after-pilates treat. I go back to work at Tulane Med Skool on Thursday. It is not super trills but at least it is enough to keep my screens (TV, Phone, Computer) running!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Trifling Tuesday....
This past Tuesday, as you may recall from my Facebook update, I had an interview for a Spanish teaching position at Cameron College here in New Orleans, which is located on Canal Street in Mid-City, near Broad St, directly across from the McDonald's. I also saw an ad on NOLA.com seeking a Spanish language translator for the DA's office, which is about 7 blocks from Cameron College. A friend came by & I got him to bring me over to the DA's office & then drop me off at Cameron College a few minutes before my 4PM appointment.
I had Googled Cameron College prior to showing up & I had seen the building many times before, so I knew it wasn't going to be like Harvard. From what I recall from their website, it is a community college that specializes in Associate degrees in subjects like Medical Billing. I didn't even know they taught Spanish at this sort of school. But I digress. As far as I could tell, the campus is this one 3-story brick building on Canal St. When you enter on the ground floor, there is a lobby with a lunchroom on the right and an elevator on the left. I had to go up to the 2nd floor, which I guess is where administration is. Immediately when I walked in I noticed that the secretary had a flat-screen monitor displaying 14 security cam views of the "campus." Always reassuring.
I had previously emailed them a resumé in response to a Craig's list ad, but I had brought a hard copy with me, and when I told the secretary why I was there and who I was there to see, she asked me to have a seat and fill out an application that had been Xeroxed so many times that some of the boxes were blurred out. This annoys the hell out of me. Like, I wrote a resumé, don't make me fill out some generic application that asks for my elementary school. But so I did it, and I was made to wait around for nearly an hour until Mrs Cameron called me into her office for an interview. She seemed a charming older lady, but she had clearly only scanned my resumé. The big question I remember her asking is "Why do people get a Master of Arts degree? Does that mean you are an artist?" After I explained this conundrum to her, she said "oh, look! you've taught me something!" Very pleasant.
Afterwards, she had me go to the Dean's office, where I was interviewed by a White man and a Nepalese woman, who asked questions like "How do you approach a class of people who don't want to take Spanish? Or who want to know WHY you have to take it?" Grrl. That has been practically every class I have taught.
They also explained to me how things work. Their programs last 6 to 12 weeks, and Spanish is taught in the morning for 1 hour for the 12-wk class & 2 hours for the 6 wk class with a pay rate of $18/hr. I took this in and kept interviewing. I think the rest of it went well, but as I was thinking about it on the bus it is just not enough damn money. $90-180 per week before taxes for a bitch with 2 Bachelor's Degrees and a Master's degree.
The big plus for this adventure was hearing the bounce remix of Adele's "Rolling in the deep" BOOMING out of someone's car while I was waiting for the Broad bus at the corner of Canal & Broad. It was a struggle not to booty wap at the intersection, but given that I was dressed in a button up shirt & khaki trousers (and it was like 100+ heat index), I thought it was best to save the shaking for later.
Anyway so I got home, changed into my Pilates wear & got on the Elysian Fields bus to head over to my pilates class on St Claude. I got off the bus at St Claude & Elysian Fields, and went into the Walgreens at the corner for an Arizona Blueberry White Iced Tea and a little pack of peanuts. So I was standing around on the sidewalk on St Claude, eating my peanuts & drinking my tea while listening to something ignorant like MIA on my earbuds, wearing some plastic glam sunglasses & not my regular spectacles when I heard a car horn blow. I looked up & saw this black man in a white car, kinda waving. As you know, I am quite nearsighted & naturally I didn't recognize this man, but I waved (it's only polite) and finished off my tea & peanuts & went to cross Elysian Fields when I noticed this man in the car had turned left onto EF & was coming kinda in my direction.
Naturally I got like 3 txt messages as I crossed the street & I stopped at the far side of the corner to answer them (by this time I have my glasses on) and the light changes & this man blows his horn again & pulls over into the parking lot of this abandoned building I am standing in front of, waving me over. I am still kind of thinking maybe I know this man from UNO or something but as I approach his car, I realize that I don't know him. So I walk up and I'm like "Do you need something? Have we met?"
This man looks me dead in my face & he's like "I wanna hook up wit u, why don't you get in the car & I'll give you a ride to wherever it is you are goin & I can get your number."
"Man, I am not getting in that car. What is it you think we would be doing anyway"
"Turn around"
"Oh no baby. It is not that kinda party"
"Wait. Have you ever gotten a bj?"
"Huh?"
"C'mon, show me how big it is, just pull down them sweat pants & lemme see it"
"You are insane. I am trying to go the exercise place, not get arrested for prostitution"
"Where you stay?"
"Gentilly"
"I'm in Slidell these days. I been out inna Quarters, drinking. I was at Rawhide just now, but it's too early"
(PS The sun is still out!! Of course it is too early for the Rawhide)
Then this man says "C'mon, let me give you a ride, Imma run outta gas in this parking lot like this."
"I'm not getting in that car with you, man"
"That's what's up" and then he finally drove away.
I normally do not smoke cigarettes for at least half an hour prior to pilates but this was a special occasion. As I was walking to class I just kept thinking, "Really?!?"
I don't think I'd be so insulted if this man wasn't so absurd looking, and honestly if he had been fine enough, pilates might have been cancelled. But this dude looked like a black Jabba the Hut. I am not saying I don't have love for a big boy sometimes but this man was just ridiculous. I am kinda insulted about the whole thing. I am so far out of this man's league on the simple fact of looks (never mind education & class) that I am still baffled as to how he really thought this whole situation was gonna go. Ugh.
Well, at least I had a funny story to tell my pilates teacher.
& you!! Thanks for reading....
I had Googled Cameron College prior to showing up & I had seen the building many times before, so I knew it wasn't going to be like Harvard. From what I recall from their website, it is a community college that specializes in Associate degrees in subjects like Medical Billing. I didn't even know they taught Spanish at this sort of school. But I digress. As far as I could tell, the campus is this one 3-story brick building on Canal St. When you enter on the ground floor, there is a lobby with a lunchroom on the right and an elevator on the left. I had to go up to the 2nd floor, which I guess is where administration is. Immediately when I walked in I noticed that the secretary had a flat-screen monitor displaying 14 security cam views of the "campus." Always reassuring.
I had previously emailed them a resumé in response to a Craig's list ad, but I had brought a hard copy with me, and when I told the secretary why I was there and who I was there to see, she asked me to have a seat and fill out an application that had been Xeroxed so many times that some of the boxes were blurred out. This annoys the hell out of me. Like, I wrote a resumé, don't make me fill out some generic application that asks for my elementary school. But so I did it, and I was made to wait around for nearly an hour until Mrs Cameron called me into her office for an interview. She seemed a charming older lady, but she had clearly only scanned my resumé. The big question I remember her asking is "Why do people get a Master of Arts degree? Does that mean you are an artist?" After I explained this conundrum to her, she said "oh, look! you've taught me something!" Very pleasant.
Afterwards, she had me go to the Dean's office, where I was interviewed by a White man and a Nepalese woman, who asked questions like "How do you approach a class of people who don't want to take Spanish? Or who want to know WHY you have to take it?" Grrl. That has been practically every class I have taught.
They also explained to me how things work. Their programs last 6 to 12 weeks, and Spanish is taught in the morning for 1 hour for the 12-wk class & 2 hours for the 6 wk class with a pay rate of $18/hr. I took this in and kept interviewing. I think the rest of it went well, but as I was thinking about it on the bus it is just not enough damn money. $90-180 per week before taxes for a bitch with 2 Bachelor's Degrees and a Master's degree.
The big plus for this adventure was hearing the bounce remix of Adele's "Rolling in the deep" BOOMING out of someone's car while I was waiting for the Broad bus at the corner of Canal & Broad. It was a struggle not to booty wap at the intersection, but given that I was dressed in a button up shirt & khaki trousers (and it was like 100+ heat index), I thought it was best to save the shaking for later.
Anyway so I got home, changed into my Pilates wear & got on the Elysian Fields bus to head over to my pilates class on St Claude. I got off the bus at St Claude & Elysian Fields, and went into the Walgreens at the corner for an Arizona Blueberry White Iced Tea and a little pack of peanuts. So I was standing around on the sidewalk on St Claude, eating my peanuts & drinking my tea while listening to something ignorant like MIA on my earbuds, wearing some plastic glam sunglasses & not my regular spectacles when I heard a car horn blow. I looked up & saw this black man in a white car, kinda waving. As you know, I am quite nearsighted & naturally I didn't recognize this man, but I waved (it's only polite) and finished off my tea & peanuts & went to cross Elysian Fields when I noticed this man in the car had turned left onto EF & was coming kinda in my direction.
Naturally I got like 3 txt messages as I crossed the street & I stopped at the far side of the corner to answer them (by this time I have my glasses on) and the light changes & this man blows his horn again & pulls over into the parking lot of this abandoned building I am standing in front of, waving me over. I am still kind of thinking maybe I know this man from UNO or something but as I approach his car, I realize that I don't know him. So I walk up and I'm like "Do you need something? Have we met?"
This man looks me dead in my face & he's like "I wanna hook up wit u, why don't you get in the car & I'll give you a ride to wherever it is you are goin & I can get your number."
"Man, I am not getting in that car. What is it you think we would be doing anyway"
"Turn around"
"Oh no baby. It is not that kinda party"
"Wait. Have you ever gotten a bj?"
"Huh?"
"C'mon, show me how big it is, just pull down them sweat pants & lemme see it"
"You are insane. I am trying to go the exercise place, not get arrested for prostitution"
"Where you stay?"
"Gentilly"
"I'm in Slidell these days. I been out inna Quarters, drinking. I was at Rawhide just now, but it's too early"
(PS The sun is still out!! Of course it is too early for the Rawhide)
Then this man says "C'mon, let me give you a ride, Imma run outta gas in this parking lot like this."
"I'm not getting in that car with you, man"
"That's what's up" and then he finally drove away.
I normally do not smoke cigarettes for at least half an hour prior to pilates but this was a special occasion. As I was walking to class I just kept thinking, "Really?!?"
I don't think I'd be so insulted if this man wasn't so absurd looking, and honestly if he had been fine enough, pilates might have been cancelled. But this dude looked like a black Jabba the Hut. I am not saying I don't have love for a big boy sometimes but this man was just ridiculous. I am kinda insulted about the whole thing. I am so far out of this man's league on the simple fact of looks (never mind education & class) that I am still baffled as to how he really thought this whole situation was gonna go. Ugh.
Well, at least I had a funny story to tell my pilates teacher.
& you!! Thanks for reading....
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