Or maybe it's more like Trifled With Once More.
Anywho, as most of you will already know, I have been teaching 2 sections of Spanish 101 & 1 section of Spanish 102 since August 20th, for the princely sum of $1800 per class, paid out according to the "latest approved part-time contract pay schedule" (quoted from the contract I signed.) My understanding is that these trillions are to be meted out every 2 weeks. A glance at a calendar will tell you that my 1st payday was ideally this past Friday, September 7th. I checked my online bank acct, and Surprise! No paycheck. Did I mention that I was already pretty strapped PRIOR to Hurricane Isaac & at this point, September's rent is not paid, and nor are any of my regular bills & I have about $58 to last until (drumroll please) September 21st? Yes, Gentle Readers, apparently the "approved part-time contract pay schedule" of which I received no copy, stipulates (according to a friend who teaches there, absolutely no administrator--not even my immediate boss--has bothered to return any of my calls or emails) that the 1st paycheck for an adjunct is 1) a paper check and 2) not disbursed until the 2nd payday in the pay cycle. I went thru this over the summer, but I expected it as it was my 1st time teaching there & not all of my info was in the system. But Bitch, REALLY?
This is 2012. Who uses paper checks any more? Releasing funds (especially for an institution of this size) is simply a matter of pointing & clicking.
Have I mentioned that admin or IT or whoever still has yet to re-authorize the email address that I used over the summer? That's right, sweeties, my previous email was shut down the instant I turned in my final grades and according to the guy who answered the phone in my department, they are waiting on "access letters" from IT that will permit me to have not just email access, but also access to the Colledge's other online functions, such as viewing my class rosters (yes I seriously still have no idea who should & should not be in ANY of my classes), not to mention the online portion of our textbook, which requires an email address ending in ".edu."
So here I am, feeling like the heroine from a Tennesee Williams play, writing my status updates in the 3rd person, just praying that I can somehow beg borrow or steal the $$$ to keep my screens (phone, PC, TV) active & refridgerator running & the roof over my head until one of the quasi-literate full-time employees at the Community Colledge (seriously, the word "impeccable" is beyond the secretary's capacity) decides to point & click & let me have what I have earned.
Ugh. Sorry this isn't all light & funny & uplifting.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Another One Down...
...and by that I mean a hurricane. No, not those nasty drinks that underage locals & grown-up tourists consume until they puke, but another Storm, this one called Isaac. Unless you live under a rock, you already know that this one just happened (?) to hit on the 7 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, that watery bitch who flooded New Orleans and turned my (and so many others') life completely upside-down.
Many of you will remember that August 29 is a big personal anniversary for me: it was the tape date of my appearance on the Weakest Link 10 years ago, and at this time last year, I began working with 3rd graders at the International School of Louisiana, a language immersion elementary school here in NOLA. I'm sure other things of note have happened to me on or around this date, but these are the ones that immediately spring to mind.
I evacuated for Hurricane Katrina with 2 co-workers/friends, both of whom have since dematerialized from my life with little to no explanation. This time, though, I stayed. My so-called wife offered me a ride out to the Smoky Mountains, but I stayed. I remembered being an anxious, nervous, bitchy wreck the last time I evacuated, so I stayed. A Category 1 Storm, I said to myself, is no big deal, I'll be fine. Even if the power goes out, it will be on soon enough, and I'm not all that dependent on electricity anyway. I still ended up being an anxious, nervous, bitchy wreck, but I'm sure most people who deal with me regularly will tell you that is my demeanor in general, so there you have it.
Here is my Hurricane Isaac timeline:
Tuesday, August 28: Grey skies and rain and heavy wind all day. Power goes out for a moment around 6:30PM & then comes back on. Power goes out for good around 7:30PM. My living room is on the leeward side of the weather, so I just stay on the couch next to the open window, drinking wine & listening to the scary-ass winds blowing hard & feeling the house shake like it is the very last Bounce party ever.
Wednesday, August 29: around 2:30AM, after sending some morose drunken text messages, I power down my phone to conserve the battery. This is right around the time that the wind shifts and I'm woken from my twilight sleep by freezing rain on my face & bare chest. EEK! So I grab my flashlight & my battery-powered Hello Kitty clock radio & my Wonder Woman church fan (I took this with me when I evacuated 7 years ago) and install myself in my bedroom, on the opposite side of the house. This whole day is still rainy & windy & grey & at night the whole neighborhood is pitch black. The wind is so heavy that the rain pushes its way thru the cracks in my drafty old windows. It's really freaky to watch rain to come thru spaces that you can't even see. To conserve the radio battery, I listen to WWL for an hour or so at a time & learn about flooding in Laplace, and Braithwaite, and Plaquemine, and Venetian Isles, & oh so many places. To my shame I am glad it's them and not me.
Thursday, August 30: the rain has pretty much stopped by about 8ish AM & the heat is starting to work on my nerves (I live in a converted attic apt, & all the insulation in the world doesn't stop heat from rising) but around 8? 9? AM, my 2nd-oldest friend Eddie knocks on my door, lets himself in & I hear from downstairs "Hellooo! I've come to rescue you!" Hot Damn & Hallelujah! I quickly pack a bag & gratefully ride with Eddie to his place, which is on the same grid as Touro hospital & never lost power, although the Cox Cable & WiFi are out of order.
Friday, August 31-Sunday, September 2: Sleep on Eddie's couch, watch scary movies on his flat-screen TV, make friends with this awesome gal named Dana & her hot boyfriend, Dan, compulsively check Facebook & the Entergy Outage Map via 3G on my phone, send reassuring text messages to the people I prolly freaked out on Tuesday night, bitch about Entergy's slow response, stay grateful that it isn't worse than it is, watch the Season 7 opener of Doctor Who: Asylum of the Daleks (which Eddie downloaded via another Ho's WiFi). Go to Dat Dog on Freret Street & eat too much with Eddie. My beautiful Femme Friend, Kris Ford, comes by on Sunday to watch the new episode of Doctor Who. We walk over to Popeyes & have fun observing all the post-Isaac wrongness (Have I mentioned that this name is Hebrew for "He Who Laughs"? Hysterical) and go back to Eddie's place. He steps out to watch a movie with his husband & Kris & I watch more Doctor Who & at 6:14PM, get The Call from my landlady. When I answer the phone, "Hello?" all she says is "YES!! The power's back on! Come home whenever you're ready!" Frantically call everyone I can think of to bring me home. Erry body busy with they family or something & Kris gets her mom to bring me home. Get home, open the windows to let the air circulate, turn on the AC units & stand naked in front of them in turns, revelling in the glory of Electricity.
To paraphrase Kris, what I learned from Hurricane Isaac is that I'm only about 7 days without power from a complete nervous breakdown.
The End.
Or is it...The Beginning?
Many of you will remember that August 29 is a big personal anniversary for me: it was the tape date of my appearance on the Weakest Link 10 years ago, and at this time last year, I began working with 3rd graders at the International School of Louisiana, a language immersion elementary school here in NOLA. I'm sure other things of note have happened to me on or around this date, but these are the ones that immediately spring to mind.
I evacuated for Hurricane Katrina with 2 co-workers/friends, both of whom have since dematerialized from my life with little to no explanation. This time, though, I stayed. My so-called wife offered me a ride out to the Smoky Mountains, but I stayed. I remembered being an anxious, nervous, bitchy wreck the last time I evacuated, so I stayed. A Category 1 Storm, I said to myself, is no big deal, I'll be fine. Even if the power goes out, it will be on soon enough, and I'm not all that dependent on electricity anyway. I still ended up being an anxious, nervous, bitchy wreck, but I'm sure most people who deal with me regularly will tell you that is my demeanor in general, so there you have it.
Here is my Hurricane Isaac timeline:
Tuesday, August 28: Grey skies and rain and heavy wind all day. Power goes out for a moment around 6:30PM & then comes back on. Power goes out for good around 7:30PM. My living room is on the leeward side of the weather, so I just stay on the couch next to the open window, drinking wine & listening to the scary-ass winds blowing hard & feeling the house shake like it is the very last Bounce party ever.
Wednesday, August 29: around 2:30AM, after sending some morose drunken text messages, I power down my phone to conserve the battery. This is right around the time that the wind shifts and I'm woken from my twilight sleep by freezing rain on my face & bare chest. EEK! So I grab my flashlight & my battery-powered Hello Kitty clock radio & my Wonder Woman church fan (I took this with me when I evacuated 7 years ago) and install myself in my bedroom, on the opposite side of the house. This whole day is still rainy & windy & grey & at night the whole neighborhood is pitch black. The wind is so heavy that the rain pushes its way thru the cracks in my drafty old windows. It's really freaky to watch rain to come thru spaces that you can't even see. To conserve the radio battery, I listen to WWL for an hour or so at a time & learn about flooding in Laplace, and Braithwaite, and Plaquemine, and Venetian Isles, & oh so many places. To my shame I am glad it's them and not me.
Thursday, August 30: the rain has pretty much stopped by about 8ish AM & the heat is starting to work on my nerves (I live in a converted attic apt, & all the insulation in the world doesn't stop heat from rising) but around 8? 9? AM, my 2nd-oldest friend Eddie knocks on my door, lets himself in & I hear from downstairs "Hellooo! I've come to rescue you!" Hot Damn & Hallelujah! I quickly pack a bag & gratefully ride with Eddie to his place, which is on the same grid as Touro hospital & never lost power, although the Cox Cable & WiFi are out of order.
Friday, August 31-Sunday, September 2: Sleep on Eddie's couch, watch scary movies on his flat-screen TV, make friends with this awesome gal named Dana & her hot boyfriend, Dan, compulsively check Facebook & the Entergy Outage Map via 3G on my phone, send reassuring text messages to the people I prolly freaked out on Tuesday night, bitch about Entergy's slow response, stay grateful that it isn't worse than it is, watch the Season 7 opener of Doctor Who: Asylum of the Daleks (which Eddie downloaded via another Ho's WiFi). Go to Dat Dog on Freret Street & eat too much with Eddie. My beautiful Femme Friend, Kris Ford, comes by on Sunday to watch the new episode of Doctor Who. We walk over to Popeyes & have fun observing all the post-Isaac wrongness (Have I mentioned that this name is Hebrew for "He Who Laughs"? Hysterical) and go back to Eddie's place. He steps out to watch a movie with his husband & Kris & I watch more Doctor Who & at 6:14PM, get The Call from my landlady. When I answer the phone, "Hello?" all she says is "YES!! The power's back on! Come home whenever you're ready!" Frantically call everyone I can think of to bring me home. Erry body busy with they family or something & Kris gets her mom to bring me home. Get home, open the windows to let the air circulate, turn on the AC units & stand naked in front of them in turns, revelling in the glory of Electricity.
To paraphrase Kris, what I learned from Hurricane Isaac is that I'm only about 7 days without power from a complete nervous breakdown.
The End.
Or is it...The Beginning?
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